9/20 - Slowly becoming the person I’ve always wanted to become

After pausing and reflecting for a second, I truly am becoming the person I’ve always wanted to become. Even when I thought things were at a stand-still, honestly, the past few weeks actually accelerated my growth to another level. I feel aligned with the person I’m becoming which is crazy because I couple of months ago, I knew I wanted to become HER but I didn’t know how I was ever going to do that. She just felt like a far way dream. Well I guess here’s the HOW

What I think I’ve achieved: Confidence, Happiness, & Emotional Regulation

What do I think I’ve learned?

• I am not alone. Literally God is always with me and is the only companion I need.

  • I don’t need any man to do anything. Until now, I thought I couldn’t deal with my mom getting sick or miscarriage without a man in my life. But this is actually the least lonely I’ve ever felt. It’s like the saying sometimes you can feel lonely even with a room full of people. And feel complete even when alone.

• Everything will work out.

  • I don’t need to WORRY about anything. God will give me strength when I need it. Even if something bad is about to happen, he will help me through it. I don’t NEED anything. At the end, it’ll all work out. I truly thought I just couldn’t go through another breakup, so I was clinging on to this one with my dear life. But actually gave me soooo much strength and it was pretty easy to let go. Even through my mom’s surgery’s God gave me so much strength. When I was worried about money, I still listened to my intuition and God found a way for the money to come.

• Being complete on my own is not a bad thing.

  • Being complete is actually power. Until now, I never felt the need to cook or make money because I thought I’ve learned enough and now I’ll just find someone that completes the rest. I’m already mature and motherly and independent. But now, it’s like work, I know how to do everything but doesn’t mean I have to do everything. I’m just not attached to anyone because I know if needed I can do it too. My world won’t fall a part and if anything it gives more power.

  • Same with a man. I should already be rich, independent, and content on my own. This way a man can not take anything away from me. My dream won’t be incomplete without him. And I won’t need to feel the need to prove myself to be deserving of what they can offer me.

    • Example: I was always insecure of not having family wealth, so I would prove a point to spend more on dates so guys wouldn’t think of me as a Gold digger and I can prove my loyalty. But lolol if I have wealth of my own, I wouldn’t care about proving anything to them. If anything I would see what they do, which also keeps the effort minimal, not needing validation, and keeps me detached.

• Not stopping my dreams.

  • I don’t need anyone to do what I want to do. I want to become a mom, so this week I thought about freezing my eggs. This way I don’t need to depend on anyone to make that dream come true. I have a lot of love to give, so I’ve been thinking about getting a dog. I love traveling, so I’ve been getting excited about solo traveling. Basically giving myself the life I deserve.

• Miracles do happen.

  • My mom got ill a couple of days before I was supposed to go, but I was here for her and I consider that a miracle. Back to what I said a couple of weeks ago. It’s all a part of the universe’ plan. My blessings aren’t stuck anywhere and neither will they ever be.

• I don’t need to be scared of losing anything.

  • I don’t need to be anxious about anything or feel rushed. I can always take my time to evaluate and what’s meant for me will always come to me. Nothing can get in the way of that.

• Anything that causes me distress isn’t meant for me.

  • I was starting to get too attached to R and his responses. It just felt like I was doing all the chasing. And that itself was causing distress. Anything that causes distress isn’t mine and it’s okay to walk away no matter what.

On the other note - I SOMEHOW FILLED OUT THE ADOPTION N PAPERS FOR A DOG TODAY! After my mom’s appointment, I was randomly like we should go to a dog shelter to donate and there they said to fill out adoption papers. Surprisingly, it only took 10 minutes. There, I fell in love with a poodle named Suri and even played with it. It just felt like my dog, but I knew I couldn’t just make a rash decision because I was scared of someone else adopting it. I needed to sit on the decision and if Suri was meant to be my dog no one can stop it from coming home with me.

^ That’s growth because I’m trusting the universe. I’m staying detached and regulating my emotions.

10/10 because I feel like I’ve honestly grown so much in 2 weeks and an insane amount in 2 months ago.