7/20/25 - Closure, Sober anniversary, trend, competiton
I woke up with the worst nightmare again but also I think I got the closure I wanted with N finally. Until now, I just feel like me seeing him at the airport for the last time felt like unfinished business and maybe that’s why it felt like there was still a cord with him.
But my dream felt so realistic. Somehow we got back together, and I felt suffocated in everything. The red flags were always there, I was just to blind to notice it. My dream almost recreated everything I felt before in a different way, and all I wanted to do was escape and run away.
That was my closure. I don’t need to see him again. Literally my whole body was rejecting him.
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ALSOOO TODAY IS MY ONE YEAR SOBER ANNIVERSARY! Crazyyyyyy that I haven’t had alcohol in a whole year.
I wanted to post something on tiktok and IG about it but the inspo really just isn’t coming to me at the moment.
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Anyways I stayed in bed for so long today. Just felt cozy and felt like sleeping. I did see that a bunch of other people started making tiktok’s including my friends sister and I also felt a little irrated because I can see that she did it cause she see’s me blowing up. But lmao okay… I had to remind myself that this is part of the process where you start because you’re inspired by someone, and I just happen to be her inspiration. There’s room for every one at the top. I think deep down though I’m afriad she’s going to do better than me, but that’s my misalignment beacuse everything always comes down to who is more aligned with that verision.
I just have to chill out and stop looking at it as a threat.
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Anyways, woke up make a chicken sandwich, a coffee, did the dishes while watching squid games. Mom was out with her friends so I was alone.
And then went to my yoga class. It felt really refreshing and I was really just trying to get in tune with my body the whole time. After yoga, I went to thai place and got chicken satay and boba and literally just sat in my car finishing my vlog.
Sat there for a hour but I zoned in and finally finished it and posted it.
Then went to walgreens to get some razors and jewel to get yogurt. Also went to go drop off leftover cake at my best friends house.
Randomly, I felt like doing a trend where it’s “How people think I am” “how I actually am”. It’s crazy but I think people think I’m guarded at first but I’m a completely different person once they get to know me.
After coming home, chilled with mom for a bit, and watched squid games.
8/10 - Busy day but I was on top of it with my content
Intuiton - Just need to keep worrying about myself and no one else
Energy:
40% - content
20% - mediation
30% - reflection
10% - in bed
