7/21/25 - Attracting the right people, anxious attachment in body
I literally could not sleep until 5am again, it has to be the coffee. BUTTT I did have some me time like every day lmao.
For the most part I was just finishing up Squid Games. This season really got zero hype. Idk people just weren’t talking about it anywhere.
Randomly, I don’t even know how I came to this realization. Like it just connect the dots while I was working on my trend but it makes sense why I also felt like guys run away when I open up to them. It’s cause I’ve been attracting emotionally avoidant guys this whole time that are attracted to my virgo rising side, but as soon as I open up, they get confused and it’s not what they’ve signed up for.
Tbh i’m not mad at it. It kind of makes sense, where they get obsessed with 1 version of me and then get confused when another version of me comes out. That’s probably why my horoscope says I’m supposed to be fully visible online to find my person. They’ll already see that real side to me from online.
And it’s also something I can’t control because I just don’t be myself unless I feel like something clicks or if I feel safe. I don’t try to hide it intentionally. And that’s why I’ve never been able to attract the right type of guys because the right type don’t see the real me, they see the virgo me.
Lmao this all sounds so simple, but it finally feels like it’s making sense to me.
I’m fully convienced my guy friend is also avoidant and messages me when he feels my absence.
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Anyways, since I couldn’t sleep until 5am, I woke up a bit sleep deprieved. My throat still hurts and I really don’t know what to do to fix it anymore.
I woke up and saw my tiktok that I posted last night of just me had over 500 likes. Ngl a part of me was wondering if my other tiktoks just did well because there were other people in it, but this proved I’m pretty too. Was getting a bit insecure, but kept reminding myself “I’m vidya pretty”. I’m my own person.
I started working and my boss told me we were letting go of someone. After my meeting, had a call with him about it and then sent my boss a message saying we should honor him and give him respect for staying with us for 3.5 years.
After that did some work, also had coffee again today. Wash my hair, and went on a walk. While I was on my walk, lol I removed my other friend from my tiktok the one that always lurked and never liked.
And then came home to find out my mom cracked her phone screen. Then went to go vaccumm and get a car wash. Literally vaccumed my car for an hour and felt so dirty by the time I came back home, so showered again.
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I took a Benadryl to see if that would help me sleep tonight, and while I was doing my journals, I randomly saw a video of how I kind of have this fear of being replaced and forgotten, which I have been slightly feeling with my whole best friend going to the bach. Like my feelings of if she replaced me. When in my head I know it is what it is, but my body feels anxious. So maybe my body is still lingering to anxious attachment style trauma.
Intuition - I feel like my daily enlightments are so insane but it’s crazy how it’s every day concepts
8/10 - Happy that I didn’t need to sleep but also want to catch up on sleep now
Energy:
20% - throat hurts
20% - cleaning
40% - working
20% - walking
