7/18/25 - Cheating
Woke up to a nightmare of me crashing out with J cheating on me. It all just felt so real and I woke up super scared. Like I literally can not go through that ever again. But then I saw a random tiktok on cheating as soon as I opened the app on how other people think something is off just by us sending negative energy.
He always thought something was off with me and it’s because I felt like I was thinking about a possibility with someone else. I didn’t start dating him when I was 100% sure. I started dating him because he was just so obsessed with me and I was 100% sure he wouldn’t hurt me, which ended up being false lolol.
But I think it’s time I look within. Last night, I also felt a bit of grief once I tried accepting that my guy friend and I are not it, and him marrying someone else, which means I do have feelings. And I do care if he cut me off.
So again, I need to do some reflections and I feel like this mercury retograde is really just bringing it all to the surface.
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Anyways, I also woke up with my throat feeling heavy, so made an appointment to urgent care but wanted to finish my journals before and I’m finally done. Literally feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders finally.
And I’ve just been itching to create a bunch of content, especially since tomorrow is going to be my 1 year of no alcohol too, and I want to post something but got to figure out what to post.
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Anyways, we went to the first urgent care and it was super packed, so then we went to another urgent care and that was tele-visit and appartently I have a viral infection. While I was in the waiting room, I was answering all my slack messages and started getting super annoyed because I genuinely feel like I’m planning a wedding with all these events.
We got our medication from Walgreens and came home.
Mom and I ate, I took my medication, and then took a nap. Woke up, chilled with mom, and now I’m working.
Intially wanted to go to the beach for a walk but just thought of traffic annoyed me. Also, I didn’t want to get more sick.
I also posted 2 more tiktoks today and have been itching to do a fun natural voiceover. Like my heart and soul is just going into creating random content but I’m dragging on creating the content I know I should be creating content. Am i scared of going viral?
Also, it’s my other “friend’s” bachelorette weekend and ngl, I kind of have fomo for some reason. I don’t why. Also, I’m a little shocked seeing my ex-bestfriend kind of really dress up. Like was I always her blocker? But in reality, I was just trying to protect her. Also is she really having fun without me? Like does she find comfort in our other two fake friends or my real friendship? I was always convienced that she would understand how they were bad for her and value our friendship. But maybe I was wrong. But at the same time my heart really says I have a soul contract with her. I just know it and I know it’s not over too.
Regarding content - I have the insane want to yap with someone and no one to yap with. I feel like I’m just going to use that enery for my vlogs.
Intuition - I don’t know why I’m scared of creating the content I should be creating
7/10 - Slow catch-up day but I’m happy I’m caught up on my journals
Energy:
30% - Catching up on journals/work
20% - Chilling out
40% - Wanting excitment
10% - panicing about my love life
