7/17/25 - Mom’s bday
Last night, mom and I stayed awake till 12 and I said Happy Birthday to her! We had a quick 2 minute dance party but sadly didn’t hug her because I didn’t want her to get sick. For some reason, we didn’t really celebrate her last bday. Idek why. I think it’s cause I was going through a breakup or something. So I already knew I wanted to celebrate this bday good and was just praying I woke up feeling better.
Woke up and finally had more energy than yesterday so was trying to run with it and do as much as I could while I had the energy. Brushed my teeth and mom woke up too, so made my mom chai. After that, got dressed and went to whole foods and got her cake, some flowers, and some other household things like pasta and mexican food stuff. I was starting to feel weak but made it through. Then quickly stopped by and grabbed some sweets to give to god.
Came home and made my mom pasta for lunch. I tried a new pasta brand this time around. Quickly ate that, took an advil, and took a nap.
Overall, i’m feeling better than better. Still feel a bit weak and i feel like I have a lump in my throat which is super weird, but I’m not as miserable as yesterday. I think my body just needed to slow down.
I also wonder if this has anything to do with my throat chakra. Like weird but I also know everything is mentally and spirtually connected.
After waking up, mom and I watched TV, I did some journaling and then we went to dinner.
We went to Mantra, I look pictures of mom, and overall the inside was really pretty so mom loved it. The food was okay. We weren’t licking out fingers or anything and we got full pretty fast. All I had was carbs today, so I wasn’t too happy. But we ended the night with a gulab jamun cheesecake and the waiter there even sang to her.
On our way back, she got a little worried about money but I told her to just enjoy and feel blessed. We came home and cut the cake I got from whole foods. We didn’t eat it since it probably had eggs in it.
Overall though she was happy the whole day, and I could tell she felt really loved, so that’s what mattered to me.
Thoughts of the day: I feel like my brain is being pulled in so many directions. Like my journals, work, fitness, content. Everything just feels so overwhelming.
Also yday was the last time I said J a year ago, so it’s officially been a year since I’ve kissed anyone or did anything. Crazy. But proud of my self-discipline.
I also didn’t post anything. Idk if I’m supposed to take this time to rest and re-strength my energy or if I’m supposed to prove myself that I can do it. My highest version that already has everything would just rest because she knows when she needs to priortise her body over work. What’s meant for me will never miss me.
Also, I don’t even look at how many people liked my video or how many views I have. It’s all noise for me and just notifications.
Side note but I’ve been missing my guy friend out of nowhere. Like I just want to chop it with someone, which is something I never thought would happen because I always thought of him as someone that was dispossible in my life but I feel like I’m just realizing that I don’t think I can ever get rid of him now. I actually miss him. Which is also crazy and confusing because wtf.
I heard the mecury retrograde exposes “lose energy cords” what if he’s my “what if he’s always been the one” and that’s why it’s exposing my energy cord with him. How do I cut it though? I mentally knows he’s not the ones and I’m not going to take action.
But no f that. I’m cutting the cord with him. If he was meant to stay in my life, he would have found his purpose in my life until now.
8/10 - Was still sick, but I’m glad my mom had a great bday and felt loved
Intuition: I need to do one thing at a time and chill out
Energy:
20% - Feeling overwhelmed
60% - Celebrating mom
20% - Trying to stay alive from being sick
