7/8/25 - Letting my body lead

Today I just took it super slow and didn’t force my body to do anything. I just listened to it and gave it what it needed. Because my main goal was for it to feel safe. I woke up super late, literally watched love island and just chilled in bed, showered and didn’t do any work until I ate because I was just soooo hungry.

I did email the BGM event person back this morning to tell her I’m figuring things out and she’s been hella annoying creating an unnecessary false sense of urgency. Like chill the f out.

My uncle came while we were eating and told me I looked a bit sick, which I literally told him I’ve been the same weight for 2 months now. Thankfully, he only stayed for 5 minutes.

After eating, I worked for a bit and texted my coworker who just had a kid that I was going to come visit him and his daughter on Friday.

After that, I felt super sleepy, so I literally just slept for 3 hours and then went on my walk.

While I was on my walk, I got super excited to go to SF this weekend because SF brings this different version out of me. The wifey version, and it’s almost like I’m going to meet that version of me to rewrite my SF story. Until now, I almost thought I had already rewritten it because I moved back alone after dating V but honestly I was barely healed. I was still talking to V up till october and then started talking to N. And then every time I’ve been back since, I’ve always been hoping to run into N somewhere.

It also still shocks me how he’s the only person I still have a slight string attachted to but he was my slow burn.

Not anymore, though, I’m going to SF for me. Almost like it’s a new city, and I can’t help but reflect that at one point, I hated SF. I just wasn’t used to it being so slow, but now that’s how I live my life. The slowness of SF even in Chicago.

Also on my walk, the other event organizer texted me with the audacity to ask for money for the event, and tbh I’m just annoyed like all this just doesn’t feel like a good use of my time. I feel an internal resistance because it’s all out of my comfort zone, but maybe this is exactly what I need to be doing then.

I came back home, and just decided to sit on my porch and enjoy nature. Also, decided to work on this other event that I needed to work on and just thought of some crazy ideas for it.

Ngl, I feel spread out super thin with all these events and part of me is just like annoyed because bruh. But I also think I’m making it harder for myself because of my standards. I really could just pay everyone off to make things easier for myself, so I’m trying to find a middle ground to not drain myself.

After a while I came back in and watched another episode of love island while eating some mangos, and then went back out because it started raining. I love the rain, just feels so comforting. Even lit a candle to create some vibes.

Overall, I feel super privelged to literally have a time period in my life where I just put 100% of my energy into myself. No extreme respsonsibilities or kids. I’m just chilling and truely healing.

Something a little strange for me is that I don’t feel like the ring is doing anything for me anymore. Like it on my picture doesn’t change the way how I feel.. At one point, when I put a ring on my ring finger, I would step into a different energy.

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I think the reason for me feeling so ungrounded the past two days was because literally I was forcing my body and dragging it, so it was protesting as a result. Trying to wake it up super early, drinking a matcha in the morning, and a coffee in the afternoon, forcing it to work and be productive almost like a slave. And it just wasn’t working for me.

Right now, there’s a slight part of me that still feels anxiety for some work things because everyone is trying to create this sense of urgency for their needs and I’ve accepted that no. I’m going to do what my body naturally allows me to do. If it doesn’t feel like doing it, it doesn’t feel like doing it. It is what is it.

My body is not my slave. It’s my superpower and guides me what I need for the day. Tbh I’m turning into next level spiritual, where I literally am just letting things unfold on their own.

9/10 - Felt happy to feel in tune with my body again and just have the privilege to take things slow

Intuiton - I can never go wrong with being aligned with my body

Energy:
10% - Trying to fight work anxiety
90% - Take it slow and listen to my body