7/7/7 - Aligned for abundance/making my body feel safe

Last night, I saw something on immigration and it scared the hell out of me to the point I couldn’t sleep and was tossing and turning. My anxiety was through the roof and I literally slept at 3am and work up at 6am, so only 3 hours of sleep. It was sooo bad, where I just felt so scared and ungrounded. I was a mess, and since I was awake, I ended up posting my IG pictures.

I was going to start working but just couldn’t, so I booked a yin yoga class and took a half an hour nap. Before going to my yoga class, the adjustable engagement ring I had ordered came, so I wore that. Ended up making it to my yoga class with 10 minutes to spare.

Literally, in yoga class, I started sobbing. I just felt so sad. I felt so scared, so nervous, like my body/inner child was so scared to move on to the next level of my life, and I was pulling her but she was just sinking her feet deeper into the ground, so my feet were just getting heavier and I just kept pulling harder.

That’s when I realized that no matter what I do right now, the blocker is my body doesn’t feel safe. And the resistance I’m feeling is between my mind and soul is ready for my next chapter but my body is sooo sooo scared. I literally feel the knots in my stomach, and my nervous system completely deregulated.

Yoga did help me feel better with the release, but was still feeling ungrounded and disconnected to my body.

Ended up going to amber agave to get a strawberry match and honestly didn’t like it too much. I feel like the first time I had it was way better.

While, I was on my way home, I literally almost got into such a bad car accident where a truck was literally going to crush me or slam into me. The fact that I swerved and nothing happened is 100% proof that I am sooooo protected, and I definitely don’t need more proof.

After all that happened, I still needed to go to target to return a couple of things, so did that.

Came home and worked for a bit. Realized that the BGM event I was going to do in NY was such a small space, so now I need to figure out other stuff for it.

Took my meetings, ate, washed a show with mom, and made myself coffee to continue working, but I was so tired, that I still took a nap.

After taking my nap, I went to go wash my hair, and we left to go to the mandir. As soon I got to the mandir, I immediately felt grounded and the anxiety was gone. I felt safe, so worse comes worse, I know that I can always go to the mandir if my anxiety ever gets bad again.

At the mandir, I prayed to have my body feel safe because I already know everything else is for me. Everything I want is already mine and I already am protected. I just need to have my body feel it instead of praying for it. Because praying for it still means I don’t feel it.

I imagined all the gods taking all the fear and burden from me and my ancestors out of my body, and before it left I said thank you for keeping me safe until now. I feel like I couldn’t make room for more things because my body was filled with fear and survival, so when I imagined it leaving, I imagined my body completely light and free enough to make leaps and jump into my next quantum level.

I almost imagined like a whole “animals in the wild” type of thing where the earth is my golden aura and I have all the room within it in my world to attract anything and retain it and have access to it whenever. I didn’t imagine it completely with me because then my body would feel full and heavy again and it wouldn’t have room to attract abundance, there would be a little. The earth is also a protection where the bad stuff including negative energy is protected by my aura bubble.

I also prayed for my mom’s fear to be released and told my ancestors that today is the day all their anxiety is being released through me too. Now, they just need to protect me and my family.

After the mandir, I wanted to go to dairy star, but the line was too long and it was already late, so went home and made a chicken burger instead with the patties I got from aldi, which ended up tasting super good.

While I was cooking, I told mom how I felt and finally let it all out. Suprisingly, she didn’t scream back at me, so we didn’t get into a fight.

I was also going to eat ice cream with my molten cake, but it tasted spoiled, so took two bites and through it away. Then just watched love island.

For my late night bevy, I drank my adaptagentic drink, so I feel super calm.

7/10 - It was a super intense day with the anxiety, detox, and cleanse but I think I needed it. I’m going to bed feeling light, so that’s a win. I’m at peace. Also back to being “engaged”.

Idk if my body is completely safe but I’m hoping it’s actually at 98% and on its way to 100%.

Intuiton - I’m officiially fully aligned and I just need to imagine me in my world and continue to feel safe.

Energy:

100% - easing my anxiety and aligning/grounding