7/6 - Feeling emotional
I woke up feeling a bit sad and not grounded and just frustrated. Literally don’t know if I’m about to get my period or if it’s the astrological signs, but I am so moody and I just feel so uneasy with everything. Like I’m starting to feel suffocated again, to the point where I feel like I can’t breathe.
I kind of just want to cry too.
Cleaning and getting my journals done is the number one priority for me, so literally will sit here until they get done.
I think what’s happening is that I’m mad at my mom. so I’m thinking mean things, but I don’t want those things to happen, so I’m feeling a loss of groundedness.
I don’t know how to be comfortable with having tension with someone. It shakes up my inner world. And the thought of something happening to her because of the negative energy I’m giving her makes me cry. But I’m also letting my inner child be mad, be mean. I can’t keep shutting her down.
But I’m reminding myself that my mom is devinely protected too and has a sheild around her. My energy won’t do anything to her. God is protecting her.
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I made a matcha with my banana cold foam and a protein shake and honestly it was soooo heavy. Like I literally felt I drank 600 calories, but it did ease my anxiety and make me feel grounded enough to lock in. I put my phone on DND and just forced myself to finish my journals. I’m not allowed to go anywhere today or do anything until these journals are done because mt list of things to do is just adding to my anxiety.
I kept checking to see where my Nespresso was. i literally haven’t been this excited for something to arrive in a while. Almost feels like a new toy.
Decided to watch an episode of love island and then fell asleep for 30 minutes to rest up and then finished another journal. By the time I was done my machine came and I immiedietaly unpacked and made myself a coffee.
Felt very excited. And idk why but it felt like my rich life even though I could have had one years ago. Almost like the start to a new chapter. The start to my home body chapter.
After that finished some more journals and decided to go on a walk.
