7/6 - The need to just cleanse & purge to make space for new beginnings
I woke up feeling a bit sad and not grounded and just frustrated. Literally don’t know if I’m about to get my period or if it’s the astrological signs, but I am so moody and I just feel so uneasy with everything. Like I’m starting to feel suffocated again, to the point where I feel like I can’t breathe.
I kind of just want to cry too.
Cleaning and getting my journals done is the number one priority for me, so literally will sit here until they get done.
I think what’s happening is that I’m mad at my mom. so I’m thinking mean things, but I don’t want those things to happen, so I’m feeling a loss of groundedness.
I don’t know how to be comfortable with having tension with someone. It shakes up my inner world. And the thought of something happening to her because of the negative energy I’m giving her makes me cry. But I’m also letting my inner child be mad, be mean. I can’t keep shutting her down.
But I’m reminding myself that my mom is devinely protected too and has a sheild around her. My energy won’t do anything to her. God is protecting her.
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I made a matcha with my banana cold foam and a protein shake and honestly it was soooo heavy. Like I literally felt I drank 600 calories, but it did ease my anxiety and make me feel grounded enough to lock in. I put my phone on DND and just forced myself to finish my journals. I’m not allowed to go anywhere today or do anything until these journals are done because mt list of things to do is just adding to my anxiety.
I kept checking to see where my Nespresso was. i literally haven’t been this excited for something to arrive in a while. Almost feels like a new toy.
Decided to watch an episode of love island and then fell asleep for 30 minutes to rest up and then finished another journal. By the time I was done my machine came and I immiedietaly unpacked and made myself a coffee.
Felt very excited. And idk why but it felt like my rich life even though I could have had one years ago. Almost like the start to a new chapter. The start to my home body chapter.
After that finished some more journals and decided to go on a walk.
On my walk I completely changed the direction of the my post for tomorrow to do something funny. Ngl I am a little nervous cause I feel like my social presence is very serious and CEO energy but lol I’m also funny and witty, so I asked chat gpt if I’m supposed to stay mysterious or just myself. Chat gpt said myself. So now I’m posting something funny tomorrow.
Came home and ate and then went into my room and literally did a whole random PURGE. Like I feel an intense need to just declutter EVERYTHING.
I just want to get rid of everything so got rid of so many clothes and then literally went to go clean my bathroom tubs to maybe clean bathroom energy too.
Idk what it is but I just really want to get rid of everything old. If it was up to me I would literally get rid of my whole closet and half the stuff in my house. I might even do more of a deep cleaning this week.
I want to wake up early tomorrow and post and get working early.
Intuition - I’m making space for more things in my life and have to get rid of old stuff
8/10 - Was very bored for most of it because I was just forcing myself
Energy:
40% - forcing myself to write
20% - chilling/walking/eating
20% -purging/cleaning
