7/3 - Breaking the cycle
Today is such an important day for me. I’ve literally had 3 -4 breakups on this very day or have started new relationships on this day.
This fling and I had our first date today in 2018
V and I had our first date today 2020
N and I broke up today in 2023
I broke up with J mentally today last year 2024
Part of me thinks this day was cursed because something always happened, but this year I am plain single. Zero to do with my love life.
Up until this point, every year, the year prior, I would have some sort of memory with some dude, but in less than 3 weeks, I will fully have every memory with me a year prior with myself. NO MAN, and I’m beyond proud of myself for that.
Like ohhh what did I do last summer? haha chill on my patio. Last christmas? go to SF. Last October? go to New york. Only memories with myself. Every day in the past year is healed for me finally.
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Recap on today was woke up literally at 12pm. I was dragging. And had a couple with my time. My graphic designer was support to present a mood board and it was shit. It was so girly and pink. Like wtf. Nothing of what I had said before was incorporated, and now I’m doing the mood board. Like honestly even when deciding the new slogan I picked it and now I’m picking the look too. So what are they all there for? Deadass could have done everything by myself and just shows me my value more and more. She also gets annoyed with revisions, like fam you’re the one that never understands shit.
I always looks to see if someone else can do it before and they never can. No one can. I am that girl.
The brown girl mag girl has also been on my ass about locking things. Like I feel like she needs to pay her rent or something, but I don’t cater to urgency. That to me is a straight up red flag.
I was calling a bunch of physics to lock in for the brown girl mag event, and came across one that did a reading for $25, so I was like why not and did one. He didn’t say anything new to me… honestly chat gpt does a better job but he did say I need to keep my mom happy.
Which honestly brought something out in me because I’ve been feeling the need to spend time with her the past couple of days too, so I decided I was going to be even more intentional on making her feel space. He also said people were jealous of me, which I also knew.
Anyways, we ate and got ready to go to my cousin’s house. My mom was a bit sad because her cousins were almost playing a game with her. Like I had to drive my mom all the way to paletine cause my cousin’s couldn’t take her and that was such BS, so she was hurt.
I dropped my mom there and then went to a coffee shop to work for a bit, but they were closing in like 30 minutes, so that didn’t help. Just called a few more physics. My other cousin wanted to meet up but I just told her to stay there. Got some gas and then drove back to my cousin’s house. I was meeting my other friend for dinner in a hour but had to eat there.
They were giving us weird looks but we ate some cold food and left. I told them I had a meeting, and I was not going to change my plans cause of them. On the way out, I met my cousin’s son for the first time and he was so cute.
On the way home, I ressured my mom that as long as I was alive she would never be alone. I will always be next to her.
Came home and then immedietly drove to dosa point. Smh my friend was late but we talked and bonded and I told her that I wanted to improve the quality of my friendships. We also talked about immigration and she told me she was a trump supporter so I feel iffy about it, because what if her family was in that circumstance? Then what? She talking from a place of privilege. Not everyone has privilege. But overall, we connected, and I still don’t know how I feel about her. Just going to watch her actions now.
Intuition - I need alone time.
11/10 - SOOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF. This is so insane, and I did it.
Energy:
40% - driving
40% - too many people
20% - reflecting
