7/2 - Healing my nervous system
Woke up early today and made it a misson to get ready and go to a coffee shop, so did exactly that. Got myself a latte and a breakfast sandwich but ngl I felt very overstimulated the first couple of minutes. Coffee shops just don’t do for me what they once did where I loved working out of them. The overstimulation honestly made me feel at home. Like the chaos represented my internal state and now it just feels like a lot.
Now, I feel more at home in my room. It feels calm and peaceful, like that’s where I belong now and idk if this whole shift is representing my internal state.
Are these signs of me healing my nervous stysem?
I did feel jittery, so I was listening to the same song on loop for the 3 hours I was there and just getting random things done. Like I would call vendors, slack message, do random parts of my journal… the ADHD was kicking in, but I just wanted to lock in and get in the zone.
I also posted something controversial on my stories. Genuninely, no one talks about how hard it is to go from being invisible to visible. I genuinely fight myself every single time I post. Cause i’m always like no one cares. But then I have to tell myself, I’m an influencer. Everyone cares. I care when other people post stuff.
I’m the only thing holding myself back right now.
After the coffee shop, I went to whole foods to do some returns. and then went home and had a meeting with my boss. Caught him up on current projects and ordered some of the water bottles. I’m trying not to stress about things.
Ate, chilled with mom, dropped my mom off at the beauty parlor, went to target to do returns, went to khols to do returns and then came home and was chatting with IRS. They said I need to fill out another form too, so now I’m confused on if my accountant even knows what he’s doing.
I realized that journaling is getting too be a little too much because I feel like I’m kind of just documenting now instead of processing. The processing is happening live, soooooo I started to voice record my journals. This way at least I have a place where I have them in the case I’m behind on my journals again and it only takes 5 minutes and I want to practice speaking/voiceovers, so I like the pivot.
I’ll still journal because I feel like it’s a good practice to have things written down too.
Also cleaned my desk. It was way too much of a mess. I think I’m going to go ahead and order a Nespresso at this point because I really don’t want to go to coffee shops anymore for mid coffee. And clearly I’m still going out for coffee.
I tried calling the IRS but was on the phone for 2 hours and couldn’t get a hold of anyone, so just watched love island instead and called my cousin who said she was in the hospital cause she got kidney stones, but she’s okay now.
In love island, one of the relationships is literally how all my relationships go, so now I’m trying to figure out what I can do differently, too. Also decided to drop my guy friend today but f him.
Intuition - I think I still need to fill my own void and love myself more. My head is strong but I still get swayed a bit. I can’t be doing that.
On the other note, I do feel like I want to spend more time with my mom. I’ve just been doing my own thing and feel like I barely have been hanging out with her. I miss her even though she’s literally next to me. Suprisingly, she’s been super chill though and I’m thankful she’s been giving me my space.
6/10 - Felt overstimulated, but didn’t nap today so still a win for me.
Energy:
50% - working and trying to stay busy, returns
50% - pivoting and going with the flow for things
