6/30 - Reset day

I could barely sleep on my flight back. It was just so uncomfortable, so I napped for like a hour and then watched bridesmaid while eating my cliff bar and a bag of chips.

I have been overeating a bit, so scared to see how much weight I gained in the past 4 days. Honestly, feels like I’ve been gone for a week. Everything has just been super busy.

Came home safely and literally just went straight to bed, woke up and decided I was going to take a sick day. I did have slight anxiety to answer all my emails but I was like whatever. It is what it is.. they can wake a day and just ended up unpacking, chilling with my mom, gave her a lecture on how we’re not less than anyone, caught up on shows, going to sleep for a couple of more hours.

After I work up, I got something that shook me a bit but I’m proud of my reaction.

I had some tax issues, where the first guy I did it from messed up, so then I had to do it with another guy and the IRS never pulled out the money so I got a $6k bill. I was a little like wtf, cause it def needs attention/alert but my nervous system is pretty calm. And that to me is progress. Money is fluid. It comes and goes and if this is meant to go then I know even more money will replace it. But I no longer have a fear or intense attachment towards it. I know I’m being protected and watched over. And I know god won’t let anything bad happen to me. My faith is literally multiplying. Where before money would shake me, especially the first time this happened with my credit card, and that was only a couple of 100 dollars. And then the second time the credit card stuff happened, I was slightly shook but still calm. I think that was god’s way of telling me that I can trust and that whats meant for me will always stay with me. So this time around, I was actually pretty calm and forgot about it for the most part. I will def fight it, but worse comes worse, it’s not the end of the world. And this is how I know my relationship with money has completely changed, where I have internal faith that whats meant for me will always come back to me. Money is attracted to me. I simply can not loose money, and I feel safe with money “moving”. Before that would shake me. Now, I welcome money to move. I also did not feel drained with this situation.

After this, I literally chilled in bed, watched love island, and ate my leftover kung pao chicken.

On the other note, Idk why but I’ve been thinking about my guy friend a lot. I told him today that the reason why i didn’t wnat to meet up was because I know I’m going to be nervous versus if it’s just random, I’m going to be excited. I’m slowly starting to just be myself and open up to him. I think I’m finally okay with letting him see the vulnerable side to me, which yday I saw that side to him too. I think I’ve struggled with opening up to men in the past, there was always this bit of resistance. I still don’t think he’s my person. But maybe this is my test run to see if I can fully just be myself with someone without caring. I’ve been wondering all day on why I’m starting to feel like I should open up to him but also in my soul know he’s just not it. But this makes sense. I think it could be to break down my walls.

I def am very open to love again because I’ve been so flirty but I won’t do anything until I see them as my absolute person. Not like before, where I would have even have a little feelings and start convincing myself they’re my person and then literally chasing them. Now, I’m like.. if they truly are my person the universe will figure it out, not me. And they will match my standards. I am not dropping them because I’m no longer scared to cut anyone off.

The girl whose bach it was also texted me. I have a feeling she’s trying to put in effort again and although today and yesterday I realized she just wasn’t filling my cup. I also don’t know where she stands. Like idk if she needs love from me or if I need to cut her off. I feel like her and I need a heart to heart but I’m too lazy to initiate it. Like I need to figure out if she means that much to me to even have that talk or if it’s easier to just let her go.

I also posted 2 tiktoks today!

Energy:
50% - resting/resetting
50% - reflecting on how I’m moving

Intuition - Everything in my life truly is unfolding at the right timing, and I see it. I still need to overcome structure for content, stick to a routine, and let myself fully open up to men without fear of being too much for them.

10/10 - I’m happy I got to rest and chill with my mom. It was a slow day and I loved it.