6/29 - Fighting my comfort zone

Everyone left super early, so I was the only one in the suite. It kind of felt nice waking up all by myself. I was kind of dragging but thankfully, I called and got late checkout.

I ended up getting ready, doing my hair, and wanting to make tiktoks, but at one point, I got overwelhmed. Everything in me just wanted to have a normal non-content day. I was tired and I was just so overwelhmed that I was on the verge of crying at one point.

But did what I could do and then checked out. I ate a cliff bar in the room, so I wasn’t too hungry but I still wanted pizza so I got scaar’s pizza with hot honey and it was so good. The last time I had scaar’s was with N in New York, so this almost felt like my redemption for it. The guy gave me a free water bottle, so that made me happy.

I ended up facetiming my mom to talk to her while I ate. Honestly, I was feeling a bit lonely and just had no energy to go explore vegas like I had intially planned, so I really wished I had booked an earlier flight home at that point.

After eating, I went to the canal to show mom what it looked like. I can’t wait for the day when I can take her too. I know it’ll come soon. I also got coffee from that place that was super good, this time a salted carmel and then took pictures of myself and chilled for a bit.

I’m really trying to step into the mindset of a content creator and not give a shit and treat recording as a part of my job. It just sucks how I never see anyone else doing it, so I always feel awkward but again I’m trying to face my discomfort.

Then I went up to the speakeasy bar. Honestly the asthetics weren’t that great but whatever. I ended up factiming my guy friend cause I was bored, showed him the canal too, and then went to the starbuck area. There he told me his friend group was so meager and they just were assholes at his friend’s bachelor trip. This was kind of the first time he opened up to me, so honestly made me feel some type of way about it.

But later I was getting bored of the facetime, so I hung up and went to go play roulette. Lost $50 but it’s okay, I had fun. And then I was too lazy to change, so I just took self pictures with the slots. I was detemined to get something in.

After that, I grabbed dinner. Got the kung pao chicken again and watched love island and recorded myself. Honestly, in that moment, I felt like I was the only one in the restaurant. I just didn’t give a shit.

After that, I went to another lounge got another drink and transfered some of the camera pictures. My best friend facetimed me so was taking to her and went to the scaar’s pizza area to charge my phone, while debriefing with her about the weekend.

I told her for some reason my cup wasn’t full, like it was a great weekend but I found myself holding back at times and just having a slight negativity aura. Idk if I’m going to the cut the girl off or not.

Before going to the airport literally seconds after I called my uber, I was like no. I’m getting my picture in. So I made a random person take a picture of me with my camera, and I’m proud of myself because I still stepped out of my comfort zone and did it.

At that point I was tired and althought I had initally planned to go to the ballagio fountain, I just went straight to the airport. Somehow the uber driver and I started just yapping away. I felt comfortable, and lolol he did say my conversation with him was the best conversation he’s had all quarter. It’s so crazy to me how I can just randomly yap with certain people.

At the airport, I got a cookie and posted the rest of my pictures and just tried to knock out on the plane.

6/10 - Very lonely and draining day, but I guess it was good to just slow down.

Intuition - I think I need to be more comfortable with being alone.

Energy:
50% - finding things to do + talking to people
50% - stepping out of my comfort zone