12/31/25 - a grounded new years eve

Ended up sleeping in my room last night because I refuse to end the year being afraid of something. Literally ruins everything I mentally worked towards the whole year. And thankfully, I put on a deep sleep mediation track and fell asleep pretty quick.

Woke up super early at 8am with just a bit of restlessness on all I wanted to get done today. My mind was just all over the place and I knew I needed to calm down, so played another mediation spotify track and fell asleep for a bit again to bring myself some peace.

I think the anxiety came from a little part of me wanting to fast tracking and shed everything I need to shed by tonight, so I can truly start the new year embodied, which is doing the opposite because urgency causes anxiety and I’m also a little ashamed to admit that I was trying to fast track any leftover learnings.

Also as I feel the momentum rise, the anxiousness and to do lists are also increasing. But I’m trying to find my center so I can stay at peace and compartmentalize and increase my container.

Because now I know I can’t get more success more money if I’m stressed with the amount of stuff I have going on right now. I have to find peace in the current amount to tell the universe I can handle more.

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After waking up, I saw this girl I admire want she does for work and it’s literally everything I can do. I’m pretty sure the purpose of the IG story for to rewire my brain to show me that the skills I have are valuable and people really do get paid for it.

Also asked Chat how people will feel about me when I finally get my success and it almost made me cry. “It’ll look earned without explanation. Inevitabile.” And those that know me will feel soft.. “She carried herself like this long before the world rewarded her.” And people who didn’t believe in me will also say “This makes sense.”

The most important part - my success will feel clean.

I also finally want to stop asking “why me” and start saying “of course me”.
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Anyways, started cleaning and just staying grounded. Also ordered cupcakes from Molly’s cupcakes. Something as subtle as me ordering this year feels monumental. Before I would have wasted a hour of my life just to go get the cupcakes myself and save a couple of dollars. Now, I value whatever will keep my nervous system the most centered.

While journaling, there was a moment that I felt bad for my dad. Like how sad is it wake up another year alone. Almost must feel like he’s living in a nightmare. And I just pray we’re reunited in a good way soon because I feel it in my bones.

Earlier in the day, I also decided I wasn’t going to do a vision board for 2026. I already know what I want. It’s engraved in my body and this year I just want to go with the flow, surrender and live like it’s all already happening, instead of giving myself anxiety on progress.

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Taking a break from journaling, I wrote down my list of what I was proud of in 2025 and I genuinely feel like I’m going to cry.

This year I became who I was always meant to be. 2025 will forever have a place in my heart. It was so hard mentally & truly pushed me to levels of breaking, but I know it was all needed. I kept going.

I am sooo soo proud of myself and the person I am today. Thank you 2025. And thank you 2025 me, my future self will always remember you. You were soo soo strong.

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Did my amazon returns, got pizza, came home and ate pizza with mom, went to aldi to get milk. Ran into this girl from high school and college. We were both shocked, so it was a little awkward. Came home and ate my blueberry cheesecake cupcake cause I couldn’t wait. It was so good.

Wanted to watch a movie but didn’t feel like committing to something for 2 hours, so watched New Girl for a bit, and then took a nap.

Woke up and finished journaling, started watching stranger things while my mom prayed, and then went to go hang out with her. We ate, and started watching a movie.

At 11pm, I did the cup cake trend with her. She was struggling a bit to find things she was proud of herself for but it’s a work in progress. At 11:50pm, we were trying to find a live stream of the countdown in chicago but all of them were so bad, so lol we kind of missed it and I saw it just turned 12.

Mom and I took pictures, ate our cupcakes and celebrated, and then lol started going to bed. I ended up finishing Stranger Things before going to bed.

Inution - I’m happy I entered 2026 grounded

8/10 - Kind of had 2% fomo but there was nowhere else I wanted to be more. Being stuck in the cold, sober, literally feels miserable.

Energy:
75% - reflecting on my years
25% - Celebrating New Year's with mom