1/1/26 - New Years 2026, tools to stay present, accepting a year of surrender, standing up to my dad’s anxiety

I can’t believe it’s new years. Tbh kind of doesn’t feel like it.

Anyways woke up feeling a bit ungrounded, so spent a lot of time meditating, etc trying to find my presence.

Then I walked for an hour, did some exercises with my pilates band and just tried recentering myself. Tbh I still feel confused on my mat pilates routine and really just need to lock in somehow. I feel like not knowing what to do on the mat is what’s not giving me results.

Anyways, ate lunch, talked to my mom about how energy is like money. You need to learn how to not waste it.

Took a shower, was drained, so spent some alone time watching a movie before we had to leave to go the mandir.

Also, tried not being on social media because every time I’m on social media now, it just feels like sooo much noise. My brain genuinely hurts after.

At the mandir, I just said thank you. I know god and the universe knows what its’ doing. And I went in just accepting whatever plans god has for me this year, whether I get my person or anything else. For once, I mentally accepted I’m okay for anything. Progress. No Progress. Another year of lessons. I just fully felt like this year I’m going to surrender and detach. God and the universe already know what I want. I’ve been clear about it since I was 5. And every time I question divine timing, months later I see why it had to happen that way too.

It was getting late and the mandir and I was starting to get drained, so I was so ready to leave and drove fast home cause I still needed to drop my mom’s friends’ home.

My dad kept calling while I was driving home from the mandir. I was so drained that I immediately got into comfy clothes, made some tea, did my bedtime routine and was debating if I should call him but did since it was new years.

As expected, he started projecting his anxiety. Which I already knew was going to happen. He was like it’s been 16 years, make a decision. Either come to India or get married. In my head, I was like this conversation is so annoying, but I decided to just be like “yeah, i’ll give it a thought”.

That’s his life, and before I would have felt guilty. Not anymore. I know my life path and no one is going to come in between. Me going to India is going to f up my life and put me back into survival mode, especially since I don’t want to. And I’m not getting married from pressure, that’s also just not how my life works.

This creating a sense of urgency after I literally told god today that whatever, I accept whatever happens this year whether there is progress or no progress it feels cruel, but also shows me how strong I’ve become where my direction and path is so clear to me that my parents’ anxiety no longer moves me, which again at one point would get to me so deeply.

Lmao also going to india is not the solution. My parents don’t even talk to eachother. Both of them are just going to ruin each others’ life. I’m over here planning to be on a times square billboard, that def would not happen in India. For what? For my dad to have a chance at authority? I’ve told him he can get remarried, but that’s not going to work out for him either. He literally has no choice but to wait. I have no choice but to wait. That’s the thing about life it doesn’t run on our schedule, we run on its schedule.

My whole vibe for today was staying centered and anchored.

Intuiton - Escapism is never the answer

8/10 - Today felt anticlimactic, but I’m happy for staying anchored through noise

Energy:
50% - trying to stay present
25% - praying
25% - happy about standing up to my dad’s anxiety