12/26/25 - Creative breakthrough, capturing truth
I ended up waking up pretty late, and tbh almost woke up high. I made reservations for crying tiger a month ago, but also had 3 other reservations for the next couple of days. Kept deciding between if I thought it was safe to go today or just go on sunday.
Somehow I got in the flow of getting ready. I went to go shower, put on “love actually. It’s kind of like the american verison of salam namaste.
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Then started doing my hair and while doing my hair, I literally had my creative breakthrough and the click I was looking for. I knew for my creative energy, I kind of had the what down (my truths), but now the how. I mean I still don’t have that part fully fully but I get it to some point.
I saw someone aesthetic post and it didn’t land in my heart but it was pretty and landed visually.
The “true” posts feel too chaotic sometimes.
I realized I’m supposed to mentally curate my true moments. In the way I feel about it and remember it and want to capture it. For me and no one else. Almost like creating an album for myself of something I want to capture (a feeling, a truth, a moment), where I don’t overexplain anything and it makes sense to me.
And I organize it naturally because my Virgo rising wants to add structure to everything.
The post needs to be faithful to how I felt in the moment - that’s where the integrity and truth come from. The loud or soft music also depends on the actual moment.
The reason why I feel so torn between posting the palm springs pictures is because the moment feels fake. I wasn’t calm or anything in the actual moment - I was literally doing a photoshoot and having a heart to heart with my friend.
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Overall, I was super calm getting ready. Took my time and told my mom to get ready by 6pm. At 5:51pm, she was still talking to her friend, which pissed me off because I can’t do this chaotic lifestyle anymore of rushing. I need to do everything in peace. While driving there, I had a whole conversation with my mom about my nervous system needing things to not be crazy.
As soon as we got there, someone was blocking the parking lot and I was already hitting the 15-minute mark for the resy. Crying tiger always has people waiting for a cancellation, so I was starting to get a bit of anxiety. Came back to the garage, parked, and literally ran to the restaurant.
We got seated in a corner section after a bit, where it wasn’t too loud. I took a second and found my center. My aura of being calm and collected and grounded. Mom and I started talking about things and I was fully present. I wanted to be there with her and enjoy it. Nothing was from guilt.
I enjoyed guilt-free and got whatever I wanted without looking at the prices and I could tell my mom no longer worried anymore too. A hugeee step of progress. Just in July, we had a huge fight because she got anxiety over me buying her popcorn. And here we were at a restaurant ordering whatever we wanted and she was enjoying being taken care of too. Seeing her nervous system heal in real time too has been such a moment of gratitude. Just seeing how far we’ve both come.
Overall, the food was okay. Nothing special. I did get a bit pissed because she didn’t do anything for a celebration for her, but she did it for the table next to us. I was also getting racist energy from her.
After dinner mom and I went downstairs and took some pictures, and then we drove around downtown to see all the christmas lights. It was so cute. I feel like I underestimate Christmas in chicago as a tourist thing just because I’ve lived here my whole life. Tbh it’s literally better than Christmas in NY.
Came home and was obsessed with my fit so took a bunch of pictures.
I posted a baddie picture on my stories because that how I felt the whole day. That’s how I moved like when I went to dinner too and I put the song that’s been stuck in my head from today as the background.
I wasn’t trying to curate a story or anything. It’s how I felt today. And I felt like I really wanted to post it. It was oozing out of me. And didn’t even look at who saw it. I didn’t care. Also finally felt a bit of relief after posting. Like I can breathe now.
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After posting, during dinner, my friend texted me about her having cysts on her ovaries, so I answered her and had a heart to heart about stress and basically how I was here to talk to her.
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At night, I started wondering that sure I got the click moment for the content but I still don’t know how it ties to my purpose or will bring me opportunites.
Now that I think about it S (ex-coworker) did this. Her posts felt like they captured the moment and were aesthetic. They landed mentally too.
But I still don’t get why I hate her so much tho? I just don’t think she has moral integrity.
S really was an important person that came into my life and changed the trajectory, even though I didn’t like her.
If S aligned with integrity, she would be unstobbable. That’s the only thing stopping her right now. She lacks trust in her face like she can’t even look at herself. I’m pretty sure I changed her life by showing her someone that is a reflection of integrity. Literally, even gave her chances to come clean and she failed.
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I just talked about integrity and my cousin just messaged me to come to his place. I don’t want to go.
Now even saying half truths feels like a lie but I don’t have the heart to say “no, I don’t want to come. My presence is too precious to go these places that I don’t know anyone. I’m not ready for that leak yet where I have to perform and make small talk. I need someone I know to be a buffer in between, so I can stay home and not feel awkward about not talking.
Anyways back to S, I realized her opportunities come to her in the DL because people wonder how she’s so connected.
And then I realized the insight about your coworker is actually about me.
Integrity is what makes the content inevitable.
I also “don’t need to make the content mean something — it already does to me.” that why I’m capturing it in the first place.
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After realizing all the stuff I realized today, somehow feels like I unlocked a new super power where now I can tell when people are chasing trends, curating aesthetic photo carousels, curated aesthetic truths, captured moments
It’s like I have the visual eye now for content. And now know how to read intention.
And that’s how high-frequency people will also recognize my work. Chat thinks I officially gained visual integrity
And the visual stuff officially feels hollow to me now. It’s pretty but there’s no soul to it.
Also at night, I started visualizing the way I moved and walked today and I was just so mesmerized. There was an aura to me.
Intuition - Need to start capturing special moments instead of curating.
9/10 - Except the Crying Tiger experience which I would say is overrated, everything else felt like a good day
Energy:
25% - creative breakthrough
25% - crying tiger dinner with mom
25% - calm day
25% - posting/reflecting
