12/25/25 - Christmas, praying from certainity

Last night, I started feeling so much anxiety around my lease. Throughout the day, I was really calm, and it was really my first time just letting it sink in. Usually, I almost avoid the feeling of “feeling peace/calm” because in the past every time I did something went wrong. But this time I felt safe doing it.

That being said, my body had other plans. I think it was like “what do we think about when we’re calm again.. oh yeah we freak out over future things”. By simulating the same environment.

Anyways, I was freaking out. My lease ends on March 8th or something, but I still never got a credit for not being able to live in my house during the flood, and I already paid the last month’s rent. In a perfect world, I would have my next place lined up to move in on March 12th, and stop paying rent after Jan. That would mean I would have to have a place lined up by end of Jan, but it’s end of December and I have nothing lined up. To really get a bang for my buck. Moving out April 12th would be perfect, especially since Feb has less days anyways and I paid for the whole month already. I’m trying to avoid the back and forth and also I don’t want any issues with the month I already paid or getting my free 12 days for the time they forced me out of my house, because if I let that go, I would be abandoning myself and I really don’t want to do the whole court situation right now.

I need my fairness, so I literally can’t rest in peace. Having him force me out of my house and still not doing anything about it is really pissing me off but I also don’t want any conflict right now. I just want to leave my place in peace and never see his face again.

But again.. I don’t have a place lined up. And I don’t think I will until the last minute because owners also are quick with move ins. It’s all just giving me a lot of anxiety and stress and I’m worrying about the future now because I felt peace.
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Anyways, mom and I went to patel brothers and then we went to the mandir. Today instead of praying from a place of lack, I prayed from gratitude and certainty. I saw a video earlier about how in order to get into alignment with your prayers, you can’t be praying from a place of lack. Which also aligns with my highest version of myself. It’s giving begging/chasing energy even if it’s to god. And we can’t take that energy.

After I started changing the way I prayed, I immediately started feeling anchored. It’s like my “center” is aligned again. I was attracting and talking to god in a calm way, not in desperation.

On our way back, we went to the international section in the fruit market next to my house. Lmao i didn’t even know they had all this exotic stuff, with walmart prices. Got ladyfingers and some peach tea.

We came home and were going to order pizza for dinner but realized all the places were closed, so then mom and I made lasagna. It was a cute bonding moment. I tried making tiramisu, but ruined the first batch of turning every cream into whipping cream. Lol I made it into butter instead and then ran out of heavy cream.

Tried not eating the whole day because I knew I was going to feast on the lasagna. Took an edible before eating it, and then made eggless cookies that turned out pretty good.

At this point I was exhausted, so then went into my room for some alone time. I tried watching a christmas movie called love actually but the new stranger things episodes dropped, so I was way more interested in that and basically caught up on all the episodes for it.

Main takeaway from it was evil can’t harm you over love. You need to find your “happiness” through the evil and really anchor in. Tbh such an important message.

7/10 - Started off with anxiety but found my peace throughout the day

Intuition - Felt like I learned a lot of impactful things today about tools to keeping my gravity.

Energy:
25% - anxiety
25% - finding my peace and gravity
25% - chilling with mom
25% - chilling by myself