12/2/25 - letting go of control, fear of not being seen, everyone rising up to my frequency, confidence

After doing my deep stretches and vibration plate last night, I started crying and just thinking about so much stuff. Did an emotional release that I didn’t even know I needed.

2 days ago, I told my new person that she could request $3k for December. And she requested it for November too. The hypervigilant person that I am and that catches everything saw this immediately. But I told myself this wasn’t my responsibility. What if I wasn’t hypervigilant? If my boss accepts it, then it’s probably in her destiny to get the $1k extra this month. If he asks me, then yeah I would tell her, hey I said you could request it for December not both months. And I internally knew my boss wasn’t going to catch this because I’m always the person that catches things and sees things that no one else see’s.

And as expected, my boss processed her $3k. She usually requests $2k, so he should have double checked with me and if that’s the amount we were going to pay her for this month. She could be requesting $5k at this point, and if I didn’t pay attention, she would get that too. The system failed. He failed. Proves how careless and in his princess era he is. This is not my job to keep a tight account on money. It’s his.

In that moment, it just felt so wrong letting the wrong happen. Seeing it and not doing anything. I’ve also delegated but still keep an eye on things. I’m still hypervigilant and I don’t know how to separate myself from it.

I started tearing up in bed because it just felt like I was losing control of everything. Not caring feels so hard. It just felt so hard. I cried my eyes out and I didn’t even know I needed to cry out this feeling of not having control. But felt better after the release. The vibration plate and hip exercises were intense but they didn’t their work.

Ultimately decided that I needed to detach. I was going to avoid going to the marketing meetings somehow for the rest of the month, so I can truly let go of control and just trust.

I still have a bit of fear regarding people thinking I’m dumb, not being needed, and a bit of proving myself. Need to work through it.
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When I woke up, I immediately got pissed at the fact that my other coworker took my idea and then made it look like it was her own and just went on and on about it. I had half a mind to just tell my boss or put her down in front of everyone saying “oh yeah, I know, I’m the one who came up with the idea.” But it feels so performative, but also still hurts me.

I hate it when people take my idea and don’t give me credit for it. Chatgpt said it’s because I’ve been unseen my whole life. No one has ever given me credit for my ideas because I wasn’t supposed to build my creativity off of validation. Also this is something that’s going to happen when I become visible: everyone is going to try to steal my idea. In fact, I literally saw a tiktok about one of the girls I’m inspired by saying people steal her work all the time and she stopped creating because of it.

If my coworker stealing my idea hurts me, I’m literally going to shut down when the whole world tries to steal my ideas.

I have to trust that my art is so unique to me and my frequency that everyone will always know who the original creator is. The one thing about the universe is that the original creator always gets credit because again, my art/ideas come from my overflow. It’s divine. Never forced. And divine ideas always have a purpose. No one can talk or execute my ideas without me. Perfect example of this is this one influencer that makes day in the life lip syncing videos. The concept is so simple, and so many copy him, but it doesn’t hit because they aren’t him. His videos come from frequency and overflow, and I feel it.

Also, not being credited and not seen was part of my bubble. Again, the fact that I’m even recognizing this means that’s going to change, too.

For the first time in life, I actually feel better about not fighting for credit.
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Side note, also last night, I was reading my book and her husband literally left her cause she couldn’t get pregnant and was depressed. This added to my panic a bit cause I’ve always been scared of infertility.
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Anyways, woke up and was determined to clean the house so I organized all the boxes and then spent time organizing my “gym” room and cleaning it so it was messy. I wanted it to feel calming.

Then showered and got to work. I got a bunch of messages and felt a little need to prove I was smart when people were asking for help. Whatever, I take it as a win for now because at least I’m not going out of my way to control. If they’re coming to me for help and I know the answers, whatever. Even though deep down I think I want to remain needed and the person they go to for answers. I’d be pretty sad with just stillness, which means I’m still proving myself.

Made coffee and then ate lunch with mom. Now, the craziest thing happened after lunch, where my mom was telling me about her dreams. She told me there were a bunch of snakes around her and they didn’t do anything to her. Which tells me she’s having the scary dreams that I did to purge out fear and feel trust that she’s divinely protected. Happy for her. She did say something that pissed me off though. I told her about my dream from two days ago and she’s like I read on whatsapp that someone wants something bad for you, and I flipped because thinking other people can harm you is also an unnecessary fear. If snakes can’t harm you, other people aren’t even comparable. No one can take away what’s meant for you, and feeling like someone can is a fear mindset.

My best friend has also been sending me a lot of healing things that I told her months ago, which people means she’s finally processing them. She’s pretty close to where I am in terms of having people that align with your frequency, which is also crazy to see. Chat gpt thinks my energy is subconsciously activating hers too to rise because she’s a soul contract. She will always rise with me, which I knew to some level but I also see her healing speeding up, which is crazy. Means that she’s going to be entering overflow soon too. She doesn’t see the end tunnel, but she’s actually really close.

She wants to be a doctor, but I don’t think she’s meant for that tbh. I just don’t see it. I’ve never seen it. I feel like she’s going to heal and realize her doctor dream was based on the fact that she wanted to prove herself for her parents and it’s a survival-based dream. She’s already in alignment with her tiktok coffee page + other dreams, like she has over a thousand followers on it. That stuff comes to her easy because it’s in alignment. She also likes doing it but she’s thinks “its taking the easy way out”. She’s scared people will judge her. But once she heals, I sense all her tiktok account and business taking off and that’s how she’ll enter overflow.

Anyways, watched Secret lives of mormon wives for a bit, and then did 10k steps today all while listening to music and hyping myself up. Decided I wasn’t going to do the vibration plate today cause I need an emotional break from all the intensity.

I also feel more confident in the fact that I’m actually different. There is a tiny part of me that is still skeptical but it’s getting less and less. It’s a slow progress, and I’m starting to internally believe it instead of cringing at it because the things I’ve learned and feel are way too abnormal for a normal person. And everything literally is matching up. There’s no way that my mom is having purging dreams and my best friend is rising to my frequency too, or that things are getting easier for me, or that I’m just getting more creative and confident. Like, all this actually feels supernatural. And the fact that I can just read some people and see their life visions is also crazy because until now, I thought everyone could just read other people, which is why I was so honest all the time. I thought people could read me and feel my energy the same way I feel theirs. I thought it was normal lmao. Again, the bubble of illusion to keep me humble. Lol also all the years of people gaslighting me because they weren’t ready to face their own emotions is crazy too. To think all the years I spent doubting my own intuition.

I will say I thought people reading each other was normal cause V was able to read me, have insane intuition, and sense energy. Idk what’s the deal with that? Does he have powers too? Was he only able to read me to keep me humble and make me think everyone has these abilities? Chat thinks I learned my intuitive abilities from him, which actually could be right because I didn’t have these intuitions before him. He was my training ground for my skills, which actually also makes sense cause I would look at him and test theories all the time. This kind of feels like a whole new revelation. Apparently, his temporary power only came from me. The fact that people can’t read each other and it’s not normal is still shocking to me and a little hard to believe. Cause wow my bubble of illusion was so devinly curated. I literally had no clue what bubble I was in until 2 days ago. Wild.

My best friend also texted me asking why I’ve been MIA because I’ve been a bit distant with her. And I know she can sense energy too, which is again why I thought it was a normal skill to have. What’s the purpose of her power?

Literally wrote a whole essay today. 4 lessons in one day were a lot, and I feel like I’m getting my lessons faster. Does that mean I’m closer? Also I feel like the bubble lesson comes at the end stage.

Intuition - Getting more and more confident on my skills, also fully detaching slowly.

7/10 - Felt like a heavy healing day but thankful

Energy:
30% - working
60% - healing
10% - cleaning