9/26/25 - New hair, who this

I was crying last night because I just felt so desperate to get out of the “shakles” and just didn’t know how. No matter what I did, I feel like the fear just wouldn’t leave me.

Anyways woke up and went to my hair appointment. I was a bit late cause cause there was a car parked in front of my garage door and for some reason, I thought it was at 10:15am, but it was actually at 10am.

At my appointment, I decided I was going to make a tiktok, so was filming clips and tbh I just wasn’t vibing with my hair stylist, so I didn’t care about talking to her. For some reason, i felt like she was trying too hard. I was quiet for the most part, and the process looked easy, so I was kind of skepitcal but the end result turned out great and I was happy. It literally took 2.5 hours and filmed most of the process.

By this point, I was craving, so I went to the mandir and came home and ate. Made coffee and watched TV with mom for a bit. But felt sleepy cause my schedule was off again. Realized I haven’t been sleepy at all for the past two days and wondering if it’s cause my sugar crashes, but at the same time if I eat earlier in the day, I also feel like I eat way more, so still figuring out the perfect balance.

Took a nap, and was super tired, but decided to go on my walk. Since I did my makeup and retouched it before my walk, I started filming tikoks and liked them. For some reason, I don’t feel like posting them yet. Idk why. There’s a bit of hesitancy/overthinking.

Came home and needed to figure out my jewelry for the wedding outfits. Literally nothing was matching, so was panicing a bit. And by my second outfit, I was exhausted. My mom also went to a garba, so I literally just sat in my choli and ate dessert lmao vibes. Figured out thing for the reception at least, so happy about that.

At this point, I was too tired, so I just chilled in bed and made a tiktok about using google gemini to get a picture of my soulmate, but the audio wasn’t vibing, so I didn’t post it either. Idk where the resistance is coming from, but I’m definitely collecting a bunch of drafts at this point.

By 10pm, I had done my night routine and mom wasn’t home, so I kept calling her. She finally came home.
_
Somewhere in the day, I was wondering if my fear was coming from my phone and I was still learning how to detach from it? I thought I was just going to lose it but I also have insurance, so I can also just get a new one and it wouldn’t teach me the lesson, but by making my phone so unbearable maybe that’s how I was learning?

Part of me just wants to quit social media. The other part of me is having fun making random content, especially now that I’m just fully being myself and “expressing”.

Also chat gpt said I need to seperate the fear from myself, now that I’ve named it. So trying that.

At the salon, I also looked up the house for the LA event and it was huge. Just like the movies.

Intuition - Still feel a bit loopy and confused. Not completely happy or have clarity.

6/10 - Trying to get through the day

Energy:
25% - confused
25% - just trying to get through it
25% - expressing through content and having fun
25% - love my new hair