9/24/25 - Fear vs. brain, anchoring my personality

I woke up at 7am again but slept at 1am so was still feeling a bit tired and ended up going back to sleep from 8:30am - 9:30am. During that time, I literally had a nightmare and just woke up scared. It was a situation in which I literally had no clue what to do next. Every move was going to be the wrong move. Up until now, I found reassurance in the fact that I’ll be able to handle anything that comes my way, but honestly, this was a situation I didn’t know how to handle. All I could do in the moment was pray.

I didn’t know if it was a warning or if was my subconscious fears coming to light. But I woke up and put my brain back into the situation and told myself what I told my mom yesterday. No matter what, fear is never the answer. High frequency does not have room for fear.

But I’m trusting myself that it’s okay to feel fear. It’s the universe’s job to show me I can trust it. I need to show the universe I trust it. I literally have no option because again, living in fear is a slow death.
-
Woke up feeling a bit drained. I ended up showering and then ate at 11am this time. I literally ate pizza, avocado and drank coffee, so my diet wasn’t so healthy.

My meeting wasn’t until 1:30pm, so I decided to go on a walk instead right after eating, and I think the change really threw my body schedule off, and it was confused. During my walk, it felt like it was 6pm, but in reality, it was 1pm.

Came home, got ready for my meeting, and took my meeting. The social media manager was there, so I was very genuine and caring. Had a call with her after and just ended it with very clean energy, saying things from my heart and genuinely wishing her a good future. I also told her I was rooting for her and knew she was talented and that she was going to succeed in whatever she put her heart in. And I ended things my way. I don’t believe in being hard or cold.

An end is an end. But I feel good about how I ended things with her. Again felt clean. And it felt like a good close to the chapter.

I never respected my current boss because he tries to be tough when in reality he does feel empathy and I just wish he did things his way. Like he doesn’t need to be tough when making decisions the toughness doesn’t make him more of a boss.

And by doing things my way, I proved to myself it’s okay to be soft when saying bye even when firing someone.

Ate a bit, did some dance practice and now writing. It’s 5:45pm and I didn’t feel sleepy at all in the afternoon. If anything I felt like I had soo much time today.

Did some free journaling as well. I realized if I write about myself in third person it really gives me perspective on what I think about myself.

I wrote down the casual aspect about me is so confusing but makes me interesting. And it just made me appreciate me being me.

Went to dance practice and this time I wasn’t drained at all. I actually had fun. The girl whose house I went to even made me some rice to take home.

Came home and my mom told me there was stuff going on in the neighborhood. I’m a little confused on if I should stay at home or if I should go to the cubs game tomorrow. But I guess I’ll make that decision tomorrow.

Intuition - I need to fight my fear and continue to trust the universe.

5/10 - Still feel anxiety, confused and feel like my safety is at threat but I’m trying to practice anchoring and tuning into my voice. I feel very on guard right now, and not at peace.

Energy:
25% - releasing fear
25% - shocking my routine
25% - finding my personality
25% - writing/working