9/23/25 - I will never be old me again

I literally fell asleep at like 10pm yday and ended up having the best sleep. Woke up at 7am feeling soo rested, but didn’t know what to do cause it was gloomy outside and my body wasn’t used to waking up this early. I didn’t feel like reading or working or working out. I almost just wanted to stay in bed. Even made my hot water with lemon and was sipping it. Chatgpt told me to sit up right cause apparently the stomach works from 7am-9am, so I just sat in bed. After 9am, I started getting sleepy again because my body just wasn’t used to it. Sadly, I ended up sleeping from 9am-11am.

In the morning, I had wished my social media manager happy birthday on the slack. Felt like I should treat with respect, just cause we’re firing her doesn’t mean we shouldn’t say happy bday.

Ngl I think I have my own anxiety of leaving things on a clean note. I can literally feel all the negative energy, but I’m trying to stay true to myself without people-pleasing.

Showered, washed my hair, blow-dried my hair, did some light make-up, ate, and then was waiting for a call with the LA coordinator.

Ngl was having a bit of anxiety there too on if I would stand up to my role, also idk if my social media manager girl told her not to work with us or something.

Then I saw something on Tiktok that said today is the day that people either cycle through old patterns or emerge in a whole new timeline.

That’s when the shock hit me and I told myself I refuse to be my old self. I did took a 15 minute nap, and then decided to go the gym.

I will not be my old self. I will do anything to move out of this timeline. So while getting my mediation from walgreens, I did a quick audit on what I was people pleasing, and what I was overextending.

My friend was going to come over tomorrow to make rice for everyone. That felt like a lot so I told her I was stressed and said no to her.

At the gym, I tried my best but wasn’t really feeling it because it was so busy so, I left and come home to go on my walk.

On my walk, I decided for my social media manager instead of forcing myself to do a good exit call, I decided that I was going to have a call with her if she showed up to our all-hands meeting tomorrow. If not, a slack message is good enough. There’s no need to give her respect, if she can’t give us respect.

Also was going back to the topic of trying to find my voice/style. I have to look internally, not do something that’s new to me. And what do I do everyday? Walk. And when do I think of things? While I walk.

So I decided maybe I should just try posting my walk yaps. I recorded one, but my hair was a mess, so Idk if I’m going to post it or not yet.

Came home and said no to my cousin to go to his place on sunday too. Just feels like a lot.

My biggest thing is I don’t ever want to lie, so I’m trying to say the truth without overexplaining, even if it’s a bit stretched out. Told him something came up at first. Technically, it did with all these fires. And said I have to work, which I will be. I need to catch up on my journals and finances. So didn’t lie.

Out of nowhere, I also got cubs tickets and then had a lecture with mom to stop being scared because wealth has no frequency of fear. It’s like the polar opposite and fear is always the wrong answer. Sure, it’s scary having this much trust in something beyond my control because it can go wrong at any point, but also the other side to this is just fear and control, which sounds like a slow death.

Drinking my chamolie tea again and honestly I’m not that sleepy today.

Intuition - I have to trust that I’ll never go back to my old self and ready own my new identity

8/10 - I feel like my routine is getting better, but still had a couple of panic attacks

Energy:
30% - routine
30% - figuring out how to not go back to old me
30% - owning new me
10% - chilling