9/22/25 - energy is the compass, New routine

I tried going to bed at 11pm, but literally couldn’t sleep until 3:30am. Night time is my thinking time right now.

I started thinking about my social media manager and why I disliked her so much, specifically. Now, that I think about it other people on my team are doing shady stuff too, and to some level so am I, but I don’t hate them. So why her? Am I jealous of her? No. Because if her energy was clean, I would actually respect her and look up to her. But I don’t respect her work ethic. And I still don’t know but there’s still something about her that doesn’t feel right. Like my throat closes up. Up until now, I’m still trying to use logic, but I just can’t put a finger on it. But maybe I’m not supposed to. Like this new girl, I actually don’t know anything about her but I just know she’s going to be my replacement. I can feel it. Without seeing any of her work. So it works the other way around too. If I trust myself with people I like without any logic, I should trust myself with people I don’t like too.

My energy and body should be the compass. Not logic. Because in a world where things move quick, there is no time to play things out, get proof. I have to be quick with who I like and don’t like. And that’s okay.

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After thinking about this, I couldn’t help but watch The Bads of Bollwood edits. I finished it yday and it was sooooo good. While I was watching the edits, I started crying cause I could feel how much work Aryan put into his show. Despite him being the richest kid, I wasn’t jealous of him. I was happy for him. So it can’t be that everyone is jealous of everyone that has it better.

Everyone see’s and feels the heart. And maybe there is no nazar when you see someone do something from their heart. Like no one is jealous of his success, expect maybe his peers?

Overall though, he also succeeded because he listened to his own voice. So that puts us at an equal plane field. No matter who or how much resources you have, in order to fully succeed, you have to find your own voice. He grew up in the industry and still did it his way. And if he didn’t, he would have succeeded.

_

Still woke up at 9:30am but feel a bit cranky. I’m like super determined to fix my health and have my body get in alignment with its natural rhytum.

Took a shower, got ready, and started working. Also drank hot water with lemon while I was working.

Before our call, my boss put out an announcement saying my other coworker was leaving (on his own terms). And honestly, I started feeling slight anxiety and abandonment too. It kind of felt like everyone was moving on with their next chapter and I was just there. Maybe it was the change out of nowhere? But I held on to my necklace and remember I’m the only constant I need.

We were firing the social media manager today, and tbh I’m just excited to be done with her. She didn’t join our marketing call, but that’s when my boss put a call on her schedule.

I ate, drank some warm water, and started having anxiety that what if she told him I didn’t help her enough? It was sooo much overthinking, but it my self doubt again creeping up on if I did enough. Need to keep telling myself that I truly did.

I also started feeling sooo much negative energy out of nowhere, so I did a sage cleanse and just prayed she wouldn’t wish bad on me or she would understand. Idk why I’m so scared of her cursing me, maybe because I did feel all that not clean energy? Idk but I was draining myself and just having so much anxiety that I couldn’t work.

My boss said she took it well. Tomorrow’s her bday, so still going to wish her on the channel, and then on Wednesday, going to send her a mature message that literally I don’t think she’s not talented, she just didn’t care. So will simply say “I wish you the best for your future, and I know you’ll succeed in whatever you put your heart into.” All true statements. I do think she has the luck, and is divinely protected. Maybe that’s why i’m scared of her energy?

Anyways, I decided I wasn’t going to nap today, so went on a walk to ease the anxiety and make it past the drowsy window. I discovered that I’ll survive without the nap, there’s just a window I have to push past. Came home and called my best friend to ask her what shampoo to get and went to target with mom.

Called my other friend for the recipe to make some mexican rice and got some other ingredients, including chamolie tea. At target, I payed for someone’s $3 coke bottle cause he didn’t have money.

On our way back, we got pizza, so came home and ate and watched TV. Then our old paying guest came over so we chilled with her and I made everyone the tea. I did start feeling sleepy.

It’s 9:30pm and I’m sooo sleepy. Hoping I can go to sleep early.

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The new girl also emailed me today to ask what she should do BEFORE I hired her. Literally that keeps me strong cause if I had to pick between them, I would pick the new girl, so there is a reason I fired her.

Intuition - I keep seeing 444 and 555 today, so I do feel changes and blessings coming my way.

7/10 - Had a lot of anxiety today but I’m proud of myself for making progress on my new schedule

Energy:
25% - anxiety for firing
25% - anxiety for change
50% - trying to fix my routine