9/21/25 - Clean energy only, giving overflow, missing dad
Last night, I saw a TikTok for the new Amex Platinum rewards and immediately wanted one. Even though it’s like $900, it makes sense. And couldn’t help but feel like a rich mommy (without being a mom, haha). But just a year ago, I was waiting for a guy to “save” me and give me the richness I wanted from life and now I finally have full faith I’m going to give it to myself and in fact am giving it to myself. It feels like I belong there in the lounges, and doesn’t feel performative. It feels expansive for my new frequency.
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At exactly 12am that’s when my emotions started going whack because it was eclipse day.
I went on the work Tiktok profile and saw a lot of things were popping off actually. And started getting emotinal like what if I didn’t do enough to make sure my employee succeeded? Up until now, I was soooo 100% on my decision. I couldn’t wait to get rid of her, but in that moment I was doubting myself. I had to really fight myself and remind myself that it was never about her talent. I knew she has it in her, that’s why I hired her. It’s about her energy and integrity. She also doesn’t care about the job and I know it. I also gave her over a year to fix that, but she hasn’t. So no there’s nothing more I could have done, and I’m not making the wrong decision. In fact, she was definitely a soul lesson. She made it into my heart and brain in only the way she could have. She would step up right when I was ready to fire her. Like a boyfriend. But I know what’s the right decision. I’ve known for over a year. It’s time to let her go.
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Also, I feel like I have more love to give now so I’m starting to extend another hand out to people whose energies I feel like need it, without overextending myself. It’s like I’m giving them from the water that’s flowing out of my cup but never from the cup. From the outside it looks like I’m being too nice again but for me I know it’s because I see someone genuinely needs it and I have it to give. I don’t think I’m supposed to stay in my boundaries and not help anyone. But also my question is the people that need help are the same ones that don’t ask for help because they’re drowning in their pain. So it feels like I’m forcing help on them. I think I’m playing with boundary and overflow for this. I notice, I ask twice, if they take it fine. If they don’t, that’s not my problem. I can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Then they don’t know how to receive. For me, it’s like I’m clearly offering because I can. So just take it. You need it.
Maybe this is supposed to teach me about why I’m supposed to learn how to receive. It’s like the universe is the one that’s giving and I kept saying no.
Even for my person, I finally get what it means to give from overflow and not force or people pleasing. Like I’m not meant to just be an asshole and not do anything for him and just have him do stuff in the name of boundaries. But I’m not supposed to force it either.
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Overall, I think my new motto to live is clean energy only. Even for the social media manager person, it doesn’t matter what she is or could have been. She doesn’t have clean energy and that’s why she’s out. Same with receiving and giving. Everything in my life should be clean energy.
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Woke up and just chilled in bed. Then went to the mandir to do a prayer for our ancestors. I prayed that they can feel what I’m feeling too of overflow and abundance. And it feels like a big deal for them too that our ancestors are free now. Like designer clothing and lounges. This was something they couldn’t even dream of. This was something I couldn’t even dream. And now I’m living it.
Came home, ate, and then went to my room. Out of nowhere I started missing my dad. I saw people do this trend of pictures of their long lost parents, and I started crying seeing a picture of him at my bday using google gemini. It felt like even a picture with him was so special, something I take for granted with my mom. We barely have any good pictures together. You always long for things you don’t have.
A bit sad, I took a nap. Woke up made coffee and went on a walk.
On my walk, it kind of just hit me that I feel like in “overflow” I’m the one that’s giving overflow. Like I have more to give without actually physically having more. I really thought I was going to recieve overflow but maybe it’s about giving first before receiving.
Came home and my mom ironed the wedding sari, so put it on and was trying to figure out the jewelry for it. Took so long. Still need to decide the jewelry for the rest of the weekend. Overall, I have so much stuff I need to get done. Even get footwear for everything. Literally stressed and I need to be more productive.
I was supposed to work this weekend but tbh it actually went by so fast and I feel like I barely got anything done. I didn’t even go to the gym.
I looked up my tongue issues according to chinese medicine and chat gpt and I really need to change my routine. Like it needs to happen at this point. I’m about to force myself to wake up at 7am everyday.
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One of my journal entries erased yday and I don’t even remember what I did that day, so a bit sad about it.
Intuition: Giving from overflow also means I’m living in the frequency of it.
7/10 - I wish I was a bit more productive but I also feel like I got a good amount of rest in
Energy:
34% - crying, detoxing emotions
33% - moving slowly
33% - praying to my ancestors
