9/14/25 - worst nightmare + moving fear through body, EFT
Woke up and immediately started looking at phone insurance after convincing myself that my phone was going to be next. Apparently renters insurance covers phone insurance, but I need to double-check on this.
After just few minutes of waking up, I swear one of my biggest fears came in front of me. There was this old white guy that kept ringing our door bell and he just wouldn’t leave. Moments later the police came too and they wouldn’t leave either. With everything going on in the news, I swear this was my worst nightmare. I was so scared and my nervous system was just so high, but I touched my necklace and believed in myself. Went downstairs and the police tried barging in, telling me that the old guy was my downstairs neighbor’s dad and they needed to go downstairs but I didn’t let them in. I can’t believe I did that, and told them I needed to ask my neighbors. So I went upstairs to the third floor and they told me that they gave the owners number and that he should be coming. I was confident when I was talking to them but I was internally still shaking. I went back home and was still sussed out if the old man was telling the truth.
In that moment, all I wanted to do was get out of my house and just felt so unsafe. The vibes were just so off. It did end up being that they were doing a wellness check on my downstairs neighbor after the owner came, but he wasn’t home.
Mom and I still got ready and then we decided to go the beach with our picnic blanket. I feel like I just needed zen time and needed to calm my nervous system. There was just so much fear in my body.
This week has literally been giving me all my worst nightmares in a controlled environment, so I can face fear instead of avoiding it to really anchor because right now fear is the one thing that turns my world upside down instantly.
We needed to give food to homeless people, so we went to aldi first and got some bread. Then drove to get some pizza to take to the beach, on the way there we were scouting for homeless people. I got pizza from this place called Coalfire. The place I went to for my 21st bday. Another closure loop by rewriting it.
Getting to the picnic spot, which is my normal spot was a bit hectic because they changed the parking, but we made it. And once I sat, I instantly was reminded of my time in SF and missed it because this is exactly what I did in SF, but at the same time it was such a happy place especially in my spot, looking at the skyline.
Mom and I ate our pizza and then I felt like writing, so I grabbed this prompt journal I had brought and just answered the prompts and just wrote. I layed in the sun for a bit too. Even though I was in a place that made me happy, I still felt this weight, like the fear was still stuck in me, so I needed to do everything possible to move it out of my body.
After a while of just writing, I started EFT tapping, and somehow it actually was working a bit. Especially, the area under my eyes.
It started getting cold, so right when we were about to leave my downstairs neighbor texted me saying he was in yoga the whole time lmao. I ended up texting my upstairs neighbor too since we exchanged numbers earlier in the day.
Anyways, came home and went on my walk. I was walking super fast because I needed to get rid of the excess energy. It was helping but there was still weight. Also did a shake off.
And then came back and had a quick debrief with my downstairs neighbor. He was definitely flirting. He was also directly starting at me. I’m still getting used to the whole people “seeing” me. I still get shy. Anyways, he said he wish he could get a restraining order from his dad, so they clearly don’t talk.
There was this guy on Tiktok that asked me out today too, lmao. So I feel a little giddy with all this attention, especially since I haven’t gotten it in a while, but I got to cut it off because they are nos for me.
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This fear phase feels hard because not only do I have to deal with the situation, but I have to heal immediately too. Chat gpt says it’s like paying cash, rather than staying in debt.
Also learning fear is lack of trust that I can handle it. Telling myself I can handle anything. The universe wouldn’t bring me to my sensitive era if I was meant to handle more stuff (I literally physically can’t like I did before).
I also did a saje cleanse and signed up for Yin Yoga tomorrow.
Ending the day feeling like I dealt with the situation & released it to get my energy back by the end of the day. It was a rough 12 hours, but it wasn’t harmful long-term I’m hoping.
4/10 - It was a stressful day.
Intuition - I trust that it’s all a test that I’m working through.
Energy:
50% - scared
50% - trying to pass the fear out of my body
