9/10/25 - Drained energy, can’t pour from an empty cup, people that love don’t go anywhere
Last night, I was literally so hungry I was craving all the food in the world. Honestly, I don’t hate it knowing that my biggest worries mentally at the moment is getting food I’m craving.
At one point, it felt like it was survival needs to heartbreaks from guys. So even this silly deilma of not being able to sleep cause I was so hungry from my favorite foods seems like a blessing.
Lmao even made a list of all the food I was craving.
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Anyways, woke up and had to get ready for mom’s doctor’s appointment. Made a maple butter latte with the stuff I got from trader joes yesterday. It was really good. Also, tried a bite of the apple cider donut warmed up before heading out but it was too sweet.
While mom was in the waiting room, I was just in the car. Once I went in, the doctor was such BS. In the moment, I was so thankful I wasn’t a doctor because I would totally walk away from my whole life. I hate western medicine. He had the audacity to just say diabetic neropathy just happens. Like no. Everything in the body has a reason to some extend and it’s all correlated.
Anyways we came home, and I had fish for lunch and watched Only Murders in the Building. Worked a bit.
Took a nap and then went on my walk a bit earlier because I had to go to dance practice. It was shorter than usual because idk why but i think I was dehydrated and literally just couldn’t walk longer.
Came home, drank and electrolyte and straightened my hair. My mom left her phone at home, so went to the mandir to go give it to her before picking up my best friend to go to my friend’s house for dance practice.
I brought donuts and honestly it hit me that the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. Before I was pouring from an empty cup, so everything I gave took more away from myself. And then the time I spent alone was filling up my cup. That now I’m giving from overflow and because I want to.
The girl a year ago would not have thought to bring donuts for a dance practice. And even if she did, it was prabably from feeling bad, not cause she wanted to. In fact, that’s what happened at my other friend’s bday when I went for dance practice. I brought her a cake but it was from feeling bad of feeling like I didn’t deserve to be her bridesmaid. It came from guilt, so even when I was bringing it, it felt like I was overextending.
This time, I just brought because I wanted to. My best friend has this misunderstanding that you become bitter with boundaries, but I don’t think she realizes it’s actually temporary and you become even more giving because of the overflow.
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Anyways, picked her up and went for dance practice. The aura I got was a bit off but I didn’t care, I was still being myself and learning the dances. We learned 3 of them. And then idk what happened but after I came back from the bathroom, they stopped dancing and were talking about guys, weed, and partying and I just started feeling insanely drained.
In the moment, I couldn’t tell if I was just tired from dancing or if the frequency was just too low for me. But all I wanted to do was go home. I felt slightly bad saying I had to leave but the other girl said it so thank god practice ended. This whole thing was only 10 minutes, the draining part, but I felt like it went on forever and I was miserable.
On the way out, I offered my friend a ride home but she said she was going to uber which kind of threw me off, but at the end I was like whatever.
As soon as we got in the car, my best friend was trying to ghossip and I kind of snapped at her because on one hand she says she doesn’t want to ghossip and on the other she initates it. And tbh I literally had zero energy to give a shit about anyone. I was so quite the whole way home and was just so drained and miserable that all I wanted was to get home faster.
I came home and ate and then went straight to my room. I literally didn’t have energy to do anything, but I forced myself to do my night time routine.
Overall, I was so thrown off by whatever happened. Like how and why was I sooooooo drained, so fast. It literally felt like someone sucked the soul out of me. I started chat gpting and started doing self exercises but I just couldn’t.
This felt like the furthest from anchoring because how did a dance practice throw me off like this. I was determined to figure this out. I knew the frequency was low in the room but why was I drained. I wasn’t trying to feel anyone’s energy.
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Also this was the first time, where I didn’t feel bad snapping at my friend. I think before somewhere in my heart, I thought if I snapped at people they would never want to talk to me again so I was always delivering things in a calm way. But today idc. I know she’s my soul contract and I know she’s not going anywhere. I won’t lose her. Plus, she needed a piece of me. I’m allowed to be at my worst too. I’m allowed to be annoyed at her. Until now, I let her be annoyed at me and just accepted it. But this was the first time i didn’t care and it actually felt freeing knowing that I can fully be myself around people that are meant for me and they’re not going anywhere.
Intuition - Maybe this exercise was to still teach me faster techniques of protecting my energy
7/10 - Started off good, ended up suppppper drained
Energy:
30% - eating
20% - reflecting
50% - Drained/ no energy on my walk and after dance practice
