8/30/25 - Future me abandoned me. My abundance starts now.
I woke up sooooo bloated like almost sick bloated, and I gained like 4 pounds in a week, so I desperately need a detox something isn’t sitting right.
Also I felt so ungrounded and still anxious from yesterday. Also canceled the flight for portland. Got out of bed and started cleaning. I’m still trying to act like I’m moving, so went to the bathroom to see what I could get rid.
After the bathroom, I wiped things down. It’s pissing me off that I still see things with the sewage waste.
I was still pissed at god.
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Ate a little, watched TV with mom, and decided to shower, get my eyebrows done, and then came back and did my hair and makeup.
I decided I was going to film my outfits today. It took forever finding the right lightening but I made something work and then recorded myself with each outfit.
My new blouse had come too, so I tried on my sari and it looked sooooooo hot. Also tried the brideswomen outfit, and it was a bit big.
Took a bunch of pictures and rushed to dollar tree. At dollar tree, I got some things for my flower project.
After coming back from dollar tree, mom and I ate and watched TV before going to the mandir.
Talked to god at the mandir to address why I was so pissed at him. Why the anger. It’s like I have 2 sides to me. Maybe one of them is my inner child. The truth is I know why everything happened, I know god is still on my side. I know i’m about to enter my abudance era. My calm logical side knows everything. Idk if that’s future me. But the inner me is just scared, panicking, and is pissed. She feels betrayed and abandoned. Idk if it’s because I abandoned the child in me. Maybe instead of thinking of it as me. I should think of it has future me and child me.
Maybe instead of god I’m mad at future me for making me feel alone.
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Anyways the guy from the pooja was there. Tbh I was kind of digging him when we were doing the arti. but he’s getting bold lol. Also he gives off he has a girlfriend vibes. His aura feels closed off. But while I was praying it randomly just hit me that i’m down accepting a life in which I’m living in survival mode. I demand a little of abudance and it starts now simply because I no longer will accept anything less. That’s my boundary so the universe needs to figure it out. Also I want my person. I just need to feel like I’m living an abundant life.
This needs to be a demand and I need to figure out how.
After coming home, journaled and decided to take an edible, which the last time I decided to do it everything was a diaster.
At night. I was looking at the content and I kind of felt insecure. I didn’t feel pretty.
6/10 - Today felt hard because my fears were louder than my faith. But the fears feel so unnecessary. Like I know I’m going to win.
Intuition - I’m just being a girl and tripping out for no reason.
Energy:
34% - sad and angry at god
33% - channeling my inner knowing
33% - filming & cleaning
