9/15 - No one can come save you

Although I’ve always been a “I can do it” myself girl and on the surface level never expected someone to give me things I didn’t have, deep down I would find people that could sort of fill those voids for me.

I didn’t grow up with a lot of money, so I tried finding someone that could somewhat give me my dream of a big wedding or accept my mother’s job of being a nanny or giving my family respect. Or even a companion to be there for me when I had to be a care taker in my house.

But the more I tried seeking that from guys I was dating, the more they would lack in that.

For example: money - I would try finding guys that were somewhat established, but I would ALWAYS end up paying more because I wanted to show them I wasn’t a gold digger or after their money to be an earnst recipient of their money. To earn their trust.

Respect for my family - I tried finding people that were self made or had a single parent so they would understand my mom’s job and the condition I grew up in to give me and my mom respect. But the more I seeked for the approval outwards, I was left with guys that would leave because they’re parents didn’t think my mom’s job was respectful.

Companion - I thought if something happened to my mom, I definitely needed a guy there with me at least mentally. Someone I can call and cry to. But I more I seeked support emotionally to take care of my mother, the more they would leave me disappointed and I felt even more alone cause I would see how selfish they were.

Overall, although I didn’t flat out ask for these things. Like even when my mom was sick before, I never asked anyone to fly to me but I also thought I couldn’t do it alone.

But now I know. Literally I have to do it myself. NO ONE can give me something I can’t give myself. I know everyone says this, but I feel like I finally understand this.

Even for wealth, I can’t wait for money and security to come to me from my husband. I need to give that to myself.

I need to get respect for my family myself. No man can do that for me. If anything I’ll only get disrespect from him and his family.

No one can come save me.

9/10 - still a little worried about my mom and a little stressed but overall very thankful.