9/9 - Limiting beliefs?

Somewhere in the middle of the day, I just felt so down.

It felt like a blessing was on its way to me, it was super close but it’s stuck somewhere. It’s like a friend is coming to visit you but she’s stuck somewhere or is taking too long and you have no clue what’s happening. There’s a feeling of intense detress because you know she’s coming but don’t know where she is.

I know my blessings are coming to me.

It wasn’t even like I was sad about not having a guy in my life. For once, I was thinking beyond that. I was decentering my world beyond guys. But I just felt like I have nothing going for me…. none of my wishes are nowhere near being fulfilled. It feels like God just stopped listening to me. God forgot about me. I don’t see the bigger picture the universe has for me. I don’t know what’s the works for me.

It just feels like I’ve been believing for so long and nothing is happening. I’m losing patience.

So I couldn’t help but cry today from the frustration of feeling in distress. I feel numb.

I decided to go on a walk today, and during the walk I was listening to a podcast and the author said “We tend to overthink what the other person’s actions are/saying when they’re literally telling you as how things are. If they’re hot and cold, it’s cause they’re actually confused.” and for some reason that changed my perspective.

Until now, I was beyond angry at J because I thought he played me. He knew the whole time that I wasn’t his person and he lied to my face and played a whole game with me. But now that I think about it, everything he said actually makes sense. I actually don’t think he knew the answers himself. He broke it off because he knew my tolerance for being disrespected was over. And he knew I would walk out sooner or later, but he didn’t know the answer to why he couldn’t give me what I wanted. He didn’t know why he was confused himself.

Knowing him, he’s probably on dating apps to escape his feelings.

This doesn’t excuse any of this behavior but I no longer am mad at myself for not having boundaries, because it’s actually because I had very high boundaries and standards that he knew he needed to let me go or I would walk out. And I’m no longer mad at myself for not seeing him playing me because I actually don’t think he was playing me.

It’s true when sometimes you just need to listen instead of hear. All this time, I was going crazy trying to find alternative meanings to everything he said when it was literally understanding exactly what he said.

I told God that he was not an option again. I will literally block him if he reaches it out. Was that my limiting belief? Is a limiting belief when you close off a possibility for something, because you’re blocking the universe from making moves?

Whatever it is… I think I’m moving past the anger stage with J to the forgiving stage. While staying strong with my detachment and boundaries.

But I do welcome the universe with all possibilities. I will not block anything. I will conquer them as they come to me. I told God today that I’m ready for my blessing please release anything that’s blocking it from reaching me.

Overall today was a 3/10 midday, but I’m going to sleep in peace, so turning it into a 8/10.