9/5 - Never forgetting the pain.

Idk if I’ll change my mind on this in a couple of days, months, or years but right now my stance on this is that you should never forget the pain you once felt.

Back from 2020-2022, I was in a relationship where I was miserable to the point the shower was my safe space. That’s the place I could cry in peace because I lived with that person. I remember just feeling so stuck and scared, and just anxious. I remember crying myself to sleep in secrecy. I was not at peace. So after getting out of that relationship peace was all I cared about. It was my priority at all time.

And then I got in a relationship with N which was slow and peaceful for the most part. I healed that part of me that was desperate for peace. I forgot how I miserable I once was.

I think back on my relationship with J now. Now, did I allow this person to disrupt my peace soooo badly when I once swore I would never let anyone do that to me again. How did I even let this person even disrespect me or how did I even get myself in a toxic relationship again? It’s because I forgot what being hurt felt like. N healed that part of me.

And this comes to mind now as I feel like I’m starting to forget that part of me that was so anxious crying in bed just broken. It’s almost hard to believe that was me just 2 months ago because it feels like years ago as I’m healing.

But this time, I can’t forget the pain I felt. The anxiety I felt. The lack of peace I felt.

If I forget, I’ll let someone else break me again.

I need to keep it in the forefront of my brain, where I’ll never let anyone disrespect me again. I need to stay strong with my standards.

This peace was achieved not the standard. I need to value the peace I have right now as a gift to make sure no one ever takes it away from me again. I need to make it my motivation.

Today feels like a 10/10. :)