9/3 - Not caring anymore

I think the battles in my head are definitely getting easier and calmer. Lol I’m reaching a point where I just don’t care anymore, so I’ll give it a 10/10.

J left - lolol who cares? I want whoever I want to match my vibration, no force nothing. Two souls genuinely picking each other.

N left - who cares.

I had the guts to remove myself from albums with N today too, without thinking twice about what he might think or if this was ruining my chances of getting back with him.

I just don’t care. Whatever is meant for me will never miss me. I need to do what’s going to bring me closer to a the future me that I want to become.

Future me doesn’t want any attachment with any photo or person. I always thought deleting pictures with exes would delete parts of my life but honestly it kind of feels nice. Lolol It’s like seeing solo trips of myself everywhere. I feel like I can finally just look at the pictures for what they are.

The energy from the pictures is what was keeping me tied to them. I need to release all the energy. I don’t care if I don’t remember anything anymore.

And idk where all this confidence is coming from, but I love it. It finally feels like me. The anxious person just didn’t feel like me, and that’s why I wasn’t at peace. Right now, I feel at peace. I feel the best I’ve felt in years. I would honestly say over 6 years.

I can’t believe I keep saying this but I can’t believe it’s actually the first time I have no boy on my mind. Don’t care about any body. Or feel like entertaining anymore.

For now, I’m excited to go to Portland and just go out of my comfort zone to go to a bar by myself or eat by myself.

To train for it, I’ve been reminding myself that I feel at so much peace in my own body. And just so much safety. I don’t need another man to make me feel safe.

And I genuinely think the overall confidence, and lack of male attention is raising my vibrations to have fun in life.