9/2 - Today was progress.

For the first time in months, I just felt so much at peace today. I wasn’t thinking about any guy and out of nowhere had this insane amount of confidence in myself. I kept affirming to myself that what I want comes easily, no one forgets about me, people are obsessed with me, and I am magnetic. And this brought some level of peace to just have trust.

I also got my period in exactly a month, which hasn’t happened in years. My stress levels have always been so high to the point, my period has been always irregular.

lolol also shows how disruptive men can be to periods and just natural functions of the body.

I did realize something else I needed to work on today though. I have a tendency to say what I need to say when someone upsets me, but then they withdraw and are shook about it, so I feel terrible and anxious. And then the whole situation becomes about them over me.

I’ve realized that:
A. It’s been they feel about what they did and know that they’re actually guilty.
B. People aren’t used to comfortation, so I just need to say and give them space.

So, do I just leave them? How do I not have to deal with not seeing their face after I say something that is the truth? Do I need to be comfortable with them withdrawing?

In the past, I was just never able to say what I needed to say to a ex as well just because I knew it would hurt them. But that just created a tough situation for me to cater to their feelings.

If I ever go on a date, and things are going too fast, I need to straight up be able to say, “Hey, actually I’m not ready to be in a relationship” or “Hey, I’m dating multiple people” or “Hey, I don’t think it’s going to work out”. I need the confidence to myself over other people’s feelings and not feel about it.