8/31 - Mentally drained.

All the thinking these past couple of days has just left me drained giving it a 2/10. My emotions are exhausted too. I was ranging from anger to overthinking to over guessing to finding closure on my own. I’m exhausted, and my head hurts. I decided to tell myself I had all of today to absolutely think about everything I needed to think about and just let it all out because starting tomorrow. I need to actually let go of the thought of J. Nothing about him should no longer take energy from me.

Idk how I’m healing but this morning I let out all my anger on my notes app and I was mean. I said the worst of things that would break anyone.

In the middle of the day, I started to question how someone that looked so innocent could hurt me. I used to pride myself on being able to read faces. Was I wrong about that?

And now I’m ending the day with the conclusion that no I don’t think J was a wrong person. I think he was confused, and has a lot of learning and maturing to do. Which honestly I knew from the start but I still let myself go into the situation thinking I just needed to teach and express and he would be able to learn all the concepts of mature love.

But this is something that can’t be taught. I learned by going through it myself. So I really just need to find closure in that fact that it is what it is..

• People can’t stay single when they don’t know how to fill their own void

• People project what they believe

• How people treat you is how they see themselves. 
  

Overall, I don’t know where I stand on today. But I’m just done. I need to accept and let go. And I hope my frustration from today did that.