8/29 - Embracing the unknown

Today feels like a 9/10 day. I feel lighter, a little more at peace today. So much at peace that I feel like my emotions just feel mundane, which is a little hard for me to grasp. Coming from a South Asian household, there was ALWAYS something happening that was increasing my cortisol levels. And if nothing was happening at work, home, or school, my love life was a diaster. I was almost used to stress, where peace feels foreign to me.

For the first time, I feel like life is just flowing. And I think it’s because I’m choosing to reframe and detach and let things flow. The old me would have been in shambles. A breakup. Grieving a timeline. Getting older. Feeling stuck. Being someone that’s type A, all the unknown would have been the absolute death of me.

But the new me is actually happy even in the midst of all the unknown. For the first time, I’m embracing the unknown. And like a quote I just read. Not knowing what’s happening in your life is a sign that anything can happen, and that itself internally excites me, but I’m trying not to think of too many possibilities and get attached to them because then I’ll repeat the cycle of grieving timelines all over again.

I’m trying to stop myself at, I’m supposed to enjoy the now and not worry about the future. I’m supposed to do whatever my heart feels like doing, and just fill the current moment with gratitude because one day, I know I’ll be happy that I got this time to myself where I got to focus on myself, grow, and just have the ability to do whatever I wanted.

That being said, I BOOKED MY FIRST SOLO TRIP TO PORTLAND! Idk what it was but my soul was just calling me to go there, so today, I was just like whatever. I’m doing it and just booked it. I’m going to portland!

Is a little part of me nervous? Yes…
Do I know what I’m going to do there.? Not really.

But my soul is ready to jump out of my comfort zone and do this. I know I’m ready for it.