8/18 - The feeling of something missing…

I’ve been in a relationship for as long as I can remember. I’ve always had a boy on my mind, sometimes two. And today, while I’m in the efforts to forget about my ex, I feel a sense of grief. I feel like something is missing. I feel like my life sucks. 

But then I put it into perspective with other things. When I didn’t have my dream job, I didn’t think my life sucked, I felt like something was missing but it was because it was on its way to me.
How can my life possibly suck without a guy? As if a guy is the only thing that matters?

And that to me shows me I still have a lot of work that needs to be done. Making a man the center of my world, the cause behind my happiness is what is stopping me from achieving detachment. 

I need to be happy without the presence of a man in my life and mind. 

But, it’s easier said than done and harder than it looks. Right now, life feels empty and sucks. 

It feels like pushing myself is pushing it. 

Meanwhile, as a lover girl, I always have love to give. 

I think I just miss giving my love to someone. I miss being attached to someone. And that’s where the grief is coming from. The emptiness.

It’s not the presence of a man that I’m missing, it’s my day to day of giving love that’s i’m missing. Almost like someone that works out every day and fuels their body, and then one day stops. I’m missing what I used to give.

Should I just get a dog? Haha tbh that just might be the answer. Plus, dogs give love back. Jk.. but overall. Growth is hard. But growth is needed. No growth comes without tears.

All we can do is take is take it day by day.

And remember even when things are falling apart, they’re falling apart to come together.