4/22 - Misalignment makes you sick
I couldn’t sleep until late last night, so after dropping my mom off, I came back home and fell asleep. I also had coffee yesterday, and everytime I have coffee is messes up my sleep schedule.
Anyways, on the way to dropping my mom off, I randomly was like she looks so sad - almost like she’s putting herself in a position to attract negative energy and sickness. So ngl I had a whole talk with her about how she needs to increase her frequency.
But then again went home to google if this was true and if I wasn’t just crazy. It also said I did the opposite by yelling at her. At this time, she needs appreciation and affirmations.
So when I went to go pick her up again, I had a whole convo with her about how I’m so lucky, and I’m able to focus on my dreams because of her doing everything else for me. I have the ability to live in my own world because of her. She also has eye surgery next week, so she said she was feeling worried on how I was going to manage everything and she was feeling like a burden. That’s when I told her she’s my family and she’s my biggest strength. If I was sick, she would take care of me too. Family is never a burden.
And honestly just being able to say that is proof of how much I changed in a year. That statement alone. Because at one point I did think I was unlucky and that my mom’s responsibility was a burden. But now I know she’s literally the reason why I’m successful. She’s been my biggest blessing and this time I mean it with all my heart, it’s not just a mask that’s suppressing my feelings.
The dark truth is that previously I used to be like “where can i put my mom” so I can live my life. Now, I’m like no. My mom is coming with me everywhere I go. If I have to go to LA for a month, I think that should be fine. But no where permanent. I NEED HER. Not the other way around. And this alone, I will never let a man treat my mom as disrespected. Idc i rather be alone for the rest of my life.
Anyways, I proceeded to tell her that I was going to build her a very cute cottage home behind my home when I get married, so she could live with me forever, and I can still get the privacy I want. Plus, she can do whatever she wants in her home too. Have her friends over, turn it into a mandir haha. Anything. Obvi will still have space for her in the house, and she’s welcome whenever for food and everything. But just for space, I want her to have her own life and independence. And I don’t expect any man to make this dream happen for me. I will make it happen. My dreams are my own. I will make sure I can build a house for my mom so she can live with me. There’s no one else I want to share my wealth with too. My wealth is useless without her.
When I had that talk with her and gave her kiss, I could instantly feel her vibrations increase. She was at peace and was happy. This also really feeds into my delusion that I can tell what people are feeling, pieces moon energy.
While I was also getting ready, I randomly realized that I’m at a point in my life that being in the wrong rooms are also sickening. Anytime i’m in the wrong room and I’m shrinking, I get physically sick. And anytime I’m in the wrong room, but I’m being myself, I get mentally sick. When there is misalignment your soul just knows and that translates to body sickness. And no amount of explanation is going to fix the misalignment. Any time I’ve sent paragraphs to the person that’s just not understanding and I know is misaligned with my soul, it never works. I just waste more time. So your sign that literally you don’t need to explain anything because they’re SUPPOSED to be misaligned, they’re supposed to not understand you and your soul.
I’m also in the energy where everyone has to prove themselves to me. I’ve put in the work for things all my life, not I’m sitting back and seeing who deserves to come along my success era, and who will automatically fall off on their own.
I also feel like everyone’s waiting on me. My best friend, who I’m also not really talking to right now. She’s never had other friends and she gives her everything to our friend group. I have a feeling that once she sees how when I let go of people that weren’t serving me, I finally attached people that are, she’s going to see it too.
After lunch, tried working, but was procastinating. Forced myself to go on a walk. Lately the only thing carrying me through is my discipline. I keep trying to rephase my days to “I’m so grateful that I get to move my body and go on a walk.” “I’m so thankful that I have a life where I can drop off my mom off to work.” “I’m so grateful that I have the ability to learn new skills and help people.” To really put some positive energy and life back into the things I don’t want to do.
Also on my walks for the past couple of days, I’ve been very attracted to bodies of water. Idk what it is, just feels aligning, and literally just today I saw a post that said when you’re attracted to water it’s because life is asking you to surrender.
Also took a bunch of pictures and b-roll footage of all the pretty flowers. I love spring.
On the other note, I’ve also been super hungry. For a bit, I thought I was losing myself and my food discipline but then I started getting acnet, so I’m pretty sure I’m in my luteral phase. Everytime I feel like my body is just bloated and is going haywire, I just know I’m in my luteral phase. So plus point there is at least I’m getting menstral phases now. I’m grateful that my body is trying its best to regulate my cycle.
I’m also really close to being done editing my intro clip! It’s at a place where I really am loving it. Just need to add a couple more things, captions, and fonts. And then I’m done. 🥺
Intuition - I really do have the ability to sense energy. Lolol sometimes I feel like I sound crazy even writing this but there’s no way I don’t.
8/10 - Thankful and grateful for my life. Was procastinating, but grateful that I even have the ability to do that.
Energy:
50% - Rephrasing the things I don’t want to do is gratitude, but also pushing through
20% - Reflections
30% - Wholesome moment with mom
