5/20 - Show, don’t tell

I think I just had a breakthrough for my content, but it still feels very hard. And sometimes even impossible.

So I woke up and say my best friend’s content was doing amazing! Literally she has more followers than I even do. And ngl part of me was slightly jealous but I had to remember that my path, alignment is different. Her path to success might be different. I can’t let this affect me, there’s space for both of us.

And that’s when I told her what she needs to do to grow the page because yeah she’s my best friend, but I’m also a marketer at the end of the day. So although I’m new at my own stuff, I’m not new to the profession and I know what I’m saying.

That’s when she was like “I’m just doing this as a hobby and will post 2x a week”. I’ve been telling her to create a social page for her coffee/flowers for months. And she does it when she saw me do it.

That’s when it kind of hit me - for years, I’ve been giving people advice and telling them what to do when I figured it out, but that overwhelms them.

Truely - my transparency will be their transformation. I can’t tell anyone to do anything. They’ll see what I’m doing and come to me when they want help.

It kind of felt like freedom because for years I felt like I was trying to help people that didn’t want to be helped. I wanted them to rise with me, but at the end of the day what truely moves the needle for people in my life is just them seeing me. I do realize that will always come with a bit of jealously but will pray for god just to protect me.

For my content - I’m telling people what to do. I need to go back to what my initial goal was to just share my journals with the world. It’s hard but that’s what I truly people I need to do and stick with it. Every other type of content is just replacement/beating around the bush.

Anyways, we went to the mandir today and all I really badly wanted was my dreams. It’s getting to a super intense level now. And I’m just praying to god to help me feel worthy. I also prayed to give my other best friend strength because I know she’s suffering right now.

We came home, and I had tons of meetings. Stuff at work is falling apart but I’m trying to not make it my problem. I’m trying to just help and delegate. I’m not taking on extra stress.

And then ate. I was sooo hungry that I literally was losing my mind and was just so sick, so I fell asleep for 2 hours, and woke up and did my steps while watching hulu.

Overall, still feel a bit stuck. But I know god is on my side.

Also my best friend told me V was stalking her and I immediately had the ick because he’s getting married. And now I’m like okay I stalk them too, and I need to officially stop because I don’t want my person to do this. So felt like it was a mini sign for me.

8/10 - Wholesome but I wish I got more done.

Inution - I know my drive is intense right now, but I need to find a balance. I can’t be operating from a lack.

Energy:
10% - yelling
40% - confused
20% - praying
30% - chilling