5/19 - My birthday & learning how to accept being chosen/abundance.

Today was my birthday, and honestly it felt like a truly blessed and aligned day.

Last night before going to bed, I wrote a journal entry from May 19, 2026, so as future me but in the present. A year from today. All my dreams came true, but there was a part of me that just couldn’t understand why I was the chosen one, there was a part of me that felt like I didn’t deserve the life, like why me? Why was I chosen? There was a little fear too that if I was the chosen one and made a mistake, would I be punished? Or that with being the chosen one there was pressure to be perfect. That’s when I realized that was still a blocker to my dreams. There was still a bit of guilt, and so my next test is to figure out how to remove this guilt, and accept why I deserve this abundance lifestyle.

At exactly 12, my mom came into my room and just sang to me and I recorded it because it was soo cute.

I was going to go to mandir early and then go on a walk before going to my massage appointment but I was just way too exhausted. So I just chilled in bed, posted my post (somehow I just found the perfect song that just felt right). My SF friends called me, so talked to them for bit too. Got ready and then mom and I went to the mandir.

Had a little mini self convo with god, did the aarti too. Basically convinced myself that I did deserve it. I’m the one that did all the hard work and passed the tests. Also everyone has a purpose, this just happens to be mine. I was designed to be the way I am, so I can carry on the purpose. You have to put in the work, and I put in the work. So I deserve everything good that comes to me because it is mine. I’m not supposed to decide if it’s meant for me or not. I just need to accept. God is in charge of the taking and giving.

My mom at the mandir was sooo cute. I could see how much she truly wanted to celebrate me. I’m beginning to truly see all the people who are there for me.

After the mandir, rushed to my mandir appointment. It felt really good and have tons of tension points, but all my knots are still there. I feel like I get so tight so easily now days. Almost like I need a massage every month.

After coming out the massage, my best friend told me she got inspired by me and started her own coffee tiktok. For starters, I’ll always remember the day she started it now. #2 this is what I was meant to do. Inspire people, and I literally do that unknowingly daily just by being me. Although real talk - but any time I tell someone something, there is a slight sense of jealousy. But people usually use that same fuel to start their own things, which at the end of the day I don’t mind because then there is love for me because they realized I’ve inspired them. Plus, i’m jealous too and that’s when I know that’s what I want.

Anyways, decided to get some coffee afterwards. And my best friend’s sister was working and she told me my other best friend that I’m semi mad at was literally there 2 minutes before. Almost like the invisible string theory and we just missed each other.

When I came home my mom had gotten a cake slice for me. It was so cute. I can’t and just feel so loved.

We ate, watched TV, and I pushed our dinner reservation back because we had just ate. I was a bit lazy to do my makeup and hair, and I really wanted to get my Tiktok post out of the way too. I couldn’t find the right words to say.

Anyways, ended up just posting and got ready. I was going to wear a pink dress but it was literally freezing.

Before going my mom said she couldn’t find her debt card, so I did freak out a bit because I was scared the same thing was going to happen. Credit card trauma came in for a bit, but I had to calm myself down during our car ride.

We got there, and I found parking right at the door. Luck #1
We got seated in the speakeasy, literally like I wanted too! I love speakeasies! Luck #2
My mom found a piece of hair on the last mozzy stick we ordered, and I didn’t even call the waiter, he just saw it. Luck #3
I loveeee butter cake, and the pizza was spicy! so the food was good! Luck #4
Literally our mozzy sticks and desert were comped! And I had $15 in kind cash back. So our bill ended up only being $20 bucks. Luck #5
The customer service was great, and 3 people even came to say sorry Luck #6

Mom and I had a great time at the speakeasy too. We were taking pictures, blowing my candle. It was so cute and every time I was shy my mom would step up for me. Like I wanted to take pictures with my little butter cake, and so my mom insisted I tell him to light up the cake again. I can see where my ability to take space comes from because I would have done the same for anyone else but me.

My mom and I also took some mirror pictures. There was a time where I didn’t like going with my mom, I would have rather gone with my friends. But now I prefer my mom, I love showing her things and having her experience life. It’s just soooo cute.

It’s also so cute when my mom brags to her friends about the places she goes. Makes my heart happy.

We came home and I was just parking when I saw my best friend M pull up with flowers. I was literally shook, and so confused. First off, I was like how long has she been waiting. She was also alone, so how’d she even come. She looked so sad and it truly broke my heart. She told me she literally was just going to drop the flowers in the back and she saw me and was shook. It was literally all perfect timing. That’s divine timing.

Anyways her mom and sister was in the car, so told them to come up too. It was so cute. This was her mom’s first time, so I showed her the apartment. It was a bit messy.

Overall though I’m still shook because I only meet people rarely, and this was just timing. I always knew her and I were connected souls. It’s just a feeling. But idk where I stand with her. I still need her to continue to prove herself. To have her show up for me the way I need her to without me saying anything because if my friendship matters to me, she will meet me at my standards, and I know god will help her. If anything this is the motivation she needs.

After they left, mom and I just chilled. I put my flowers away too and talked to my dad. The whole friend group ended up giving me money, so said thank you to them.

Late at night, my SF friend also texted me saying she’s forever inspired by me. So cute.

I didn’t end up getting my steps in today, but it’s okay. It’s a birthday gift to myself.

My mom also paid for dinner afterwards. Felt so taken care of considering that’s what I was crying about at first when I decided I wanted to celebrate my bday alone. But god made it happen.

15/10 - Literally was blessed with so much love that felt right and aligned. I also genuinely feel people trying to get a piece of my energy.

Intuition - Just cause I understand my best friend, and know she’s a soul connection, doesn’t mean I should go easy on her. She’s meet me where I am because I know she’s meant to be in my life. I’m not meant to overextend right now, she’s the one that did me wrong.

Energy:
100% - Enjoying my bday!