5/13 - done explaining myself

I’ve been waking up at around 8:30am to 9am everyday now because I think my body is getting used it to, so happy that my morning routine is changing. Part of me just wanted to stay in bed but then I decided that I needed to get two walks in today, so went on my first hour walk. Starting to get really bored of the route, just feel like I’m outgrowing it and need something new.

Came back home and had a couple of meetings, and that’s when my best friend and her sister started texting me. Whatever she texted was almost a confrontation to the point I immediately flipped out.

I just don’t understand why it’s so dramatic and it’s all becoming such a big issue. Like idk why she wants to clear the tension so badly because I clearly don’t. I see the way they are with my friend’s graduation and they really don’t care about celebrating her. They treat it like a burden. So I clearly know they don’t care about celebrating me. So why this drama? It just all feels unnecessary and I’m starting to think my best friend is adding to it.

I’m a little aggravated by all this and either just want to message everyone the truth in the group chat or just completely ghost everyone including my best friend. I just don’t feel the need to explain. Neither do I want to. I just want them to leave me alone tbh.

To relax a bit, decided to spend time with mom but crashed. It gets so bad to the point where I can’t just stay awake and I’ve noticed I have that every time I need a heavy meal. I desperately need to figure this out. I’m so sick and tired of the crashes. The lympathetic drainage yesterday did help, so need to continue that as well.

Anyways woke up, and have been obsessed with the royals, so watched an episode of that and forced myself to go on a second walk. This time wanted to go by Irving park in the attempt to find another route. Found parking and everything quickly and honestly I was fuming while walking, just pissed about the whole friendship situation. It was really foggy today. There was this set of swings and at first I was like what are people going to say if they see me swinging, but then I was like fuck it. I don’t care, and I went to go swing. I pushed through the uncomfort and just enjoyed myself.

Throughout the walk, I did stop and sit and even take tons of pictures of the sun shining. I just don’t know if I feel like this is the route. I don’t think it is. Tbh I kind of like the glenview one but it’s too far. Lately nothing feels like it’s big enough. Everything just feels sufforcating. The music wasn’t hitting either.

I also really want to cut my hair after palm springs.

Anyways, came home and chilled with mom and then finished royals and did some praying.

I got 16k steps in today, so made up for yesterday. Now just have a balance of 5k, so need another double walk day. I also haven’t made content for Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, so I’m negative 3 on the content too. That’s the only way I’ll feel better about myself. If I make up for the lost days.

Intuition - If I feel like cutting people off, I can cut them off. I don’t owe anything to anyone. I just don’t like their energy. It’s as simple as that.

7/10 - Kind of was annoyed at all the drama today.

Energy:
20% - steps
80% - drama