5/6 - Reconnecting with my culture
I woke up today even more pissed about that fact that SRK literally had the moment to change the narrative, like if Diljit didn’t do it, we should still be stuck in the same system of trying to fit in. No matter what it really is Diljt that’s changing the narrative for South Asians. But then I saw more interviews with SRK and he was nervous, like his anxiety of being irrelevant was showing, especially in the interview where they didn’t know his name, and I felt bad. Like it brings him back to place where he forgets what a baddie he is. His insecurity comes in, and he even said I’m nervous. You could see it in his face too, which is why he didn’t want an outfit that would stand out, he just wanted to be comfortable. Poor guy, but also at the same time, you’re at the met. You have a purpose. Every brown person trusts you to push the narrative for them with confidence. Just seeing that interview brings so many people back to the place where their culture wasn’t accepted. Honestly, it kind of unlocks a bit of my trauma too, where I was scared to wear an Indian dress to school when I was 5 for picture day because I was scared the other kids would laugh at me. It was an orange dress, and it was my favorite.
I just feel like I have a lot to speak on this whole MET Gala topic. Just a lot of passion, and i don’t even know where it’s coming from because I’ve never cared or felt like I needed to voice.
But now it’s like I’ve unlocked a new level of self expression, where I just need to speak about everything. And it’s all coming out with confidence. I’m still in the phase where I’m a little nervous speaking my truth, but the fire is there. I just need to continue staying grounded and sure in myself.
I also think my current content caters to everyone, but maybe the reason why I’m feeling this spark is because the thing I want someone else to do is also the thing I need to do. I just don’t know how because I don’t want the things I’ve learned about healing to be gate kept to anyone just because of their race. I want everyone to know the fundamentals.
Anyways, woke up, got some work done, took meetings, had my second laser appointment today, came home at ate, napped, went to the beach to go on my walk, came home finished the netflix show I started while finishing the rest of my steps and now journaling.
I’ve been experimenting with new type of text content and it’s honestly doing better than my series, but I also know I can’t give up on my series.
I also think that the reason I posted on the meme page yesterday was to almost re-connect me to connect. I really didn’t need to, and I know I took a long break, but I also like it almost like I feel like I need to. There’s an itch. Almost like when you’re supposed to go to the gym, and until you don’t, you just feel a itch/disappointment in yourself.
Also, I’ve been dragging on some work stuff. Really need to muster the courage and just get it done.
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This also feels crazy to me because I always thought I was in tune with my culture, and I never really faced what other indian kids who grew up in America faced. But the truth is I did. And I’m just now seeing it. I wasn’t proud to represent my culture because I thought people would laugh at it.
Intuition - I do need to represent my culture. I can’t stray away from it to fit in. I can’t do what I’m mad at other people for doing.
8/10 - Feel like it was a good reflection day, and still taking it easy. Not stressing myself out, just trying to have fun.
Energy:
50% - Met Gala frustration
20% - Childhood reflection
20% - Relaxing
10% - working
