5/5 - Testing my nervous system
Before going to bed, I started having chills like I said, so I was fully convinced that I had a fever. But then while trying to sleep, my heart rate was super high. Almost like I was scared, like I was hiding from something. That’s when I realized my body was in complete fight or flight mode. I tried talking to it but the intensity was just too much. All I wanted to do was just cry. I was scared. I just didn’t know from what.
I didn’t know if my yoga session from yesterday opened up my hips and my body was trying to release all the stored trauma from my body, or if I was overwhelmed from the deadline I set for myself, or If I ate the wrong thing or if my body was feeling relationship trauma from the show I was watching or If my blood sugar was low from not having sugar for 2 days and my body was going through withdraw.
Throughout the whole night I was intensely sweating, like worse than I’ve ever sweated with fevers. And I woke up just feeling off too, feeling overwhelmed and not like myself.
There’s a reason for everything. Even the nervousness I’m feeling is giving me a chance to find coping mechanisms right now. It’s like it’s all a part of the fame training.
If I ever got famous overnight and then felt this level of anxiety, I would have literally dropped everything, cut off all my social media to live in peace by the ocean. Basically what all the famous people say. But I feel like god knows this, so god is having me learn right now.
Figuring out ways how to cope, re-regulate my nervous system, find peace, so I’m setting myself up for success long-term.
Initally, I was like should I just call off, break my 10k a day streak, series streak to just listen to my body and rot in bed from the burn out? But no.. I feel like that would be giving up. That’s telling the universe I can’t handle it all.
I’m determined to still get everything done by just making it all fun.
I locked down and finished my journals, and then mom and I had a meltdown. She has this thing where everytime she’s sick, she gets bored and lonely, so she becomes toxic and takes out her anger out on me. I had to explain to her that I have to really focus on my dreams. I’m not annoyed of her but I’m already going through a lot and I need space.
So anyways, trying to slow down again and just trying to work from the living room to see how I find a balance with family too. I’m also starting to rethink my brand of “shalinidaily” it feels miserable to have to create content every single day for the rest of my life. I don’t think I want that. I would rather put that quality content every 2 days. Like there has to be a balance of life too.
At first I was like I need to batch create, but that also just feels like a lot. Idk still thinking a bit more on this. Also, journaling as I go throughout the day, so I don’t get overwhelmed at night. Almost like quick hourly updates.
After getting some more work done, I ended up taking a nap. And then woke up and all the met gala stuff started happening.
SRK’s look wasn’t that great and I clocked in the first 10 sec, so I told my social media manager to post about it but her response was the “theme was different”. lol like no shit sherlock but he didn’t rep the culture at all. Anyways, I doubled down on it and new it needed another take so I posted about it on the meme account and initially I was nervous.. like am I wrong and I did get a comment saying “clearly you don’t know how the met works” but I answered it with full confidence.
And then Diljit’s outfit shows up with an indian look, and everyone started going crazy on how good it was and how bad Shahrukh’s was. Literally what I said before Diljit’s look came.
My post on the meme page also started getting really good engagement. I have a feeling the reason why she didn’t want to post my take was because her friend’s know he run’s Dil Mil’s social, and they all liked his look, so she' didn’t want to go against it.
Which again… she literally pisses me off more and more everyday. I do not respect her at all. We could have had such good engagement on the brand page if she just posted it.
Anyways, I told my boss I was ready to start looking for someone else.
Also decided to post something else on the socials, a b-roll video I already had with some text on it. As long as I’m intentional about my social media, I think it’s okay to take a step back because my success will come from intention, but performance.
8/10 - Decided to take it slow again today to heal my nervous system after yesterday’s mental breakdown.
Intuition - I don’t need to overwork myself. Because the highest version of myself wouldn’t be putting in crazy hours. 3-4 posts a week is good. And I always need to trust my take and not be scared to stand out because clearly 1000 people agreed on my take
Energy:
50% - Trying to calm my nervous system
20% - re-evaluating my strategy
10% - Having a convo with mom
20% - Met gala + doubling down on my opinions
