5/4 - Freaking out
I woke up and saw my Day 1 on tiktok had 1k views and a couple of follows, even a comment. It was slowly growing and that made my heart so happy. Like I knew I was onto to something and just needed to keep going. I also got ready early because I wanted to go to this somatic workout class, but by the time I was done showering, I was already late. I was still feeling sleepy, so I decided to go back to sleep. And then woke up and found another yoga class I wanted to go to, I think I was just looking for something to calm my body and almost do a reset.
I still had some time, so before going to my yoga class, i stopped for some coffee. Had a cute convo with the barista’s about their seasonal menu. I’ve been to this coffee shop before when I was in college, so just coming back to the same places as a different me just unlocks a different level of nostolgia. After getting my coffee, I was just sitting in my car car watching. It was like a little minute of me time to just slow down and enjoy where I was at.
I noticed I do that a lot. It’s like a reality check-point just to take things in. Lolol Idk if it’s just a Taurus thing but I almost just refuse to be on the go go go no matter how busy I am because I know it’s not sustainable.
Got to my yoga class, and for the first 5 minutes literally I had the worst balance. I was kind of shook on what was going on, and then half-way through my left foot started to hurt. I couldn’t tell if I was just overworking it with my daily 10k steps. But then I was like tbh 10k is like minimum every human being should walk daily. I don’t think I’m overperforming. If anything, I’ve been underperforming all these years. The goal is to get to a point where I can do 10k steps effortlessly and still go to the gym.
Also during my yoga session, I realized talking to your body is like talking to your child. You have to give it extra love and trust. Funny enough the theme of the class for the day was also trusting yourself.
My other best friend ended up texting back a response at 3am saying she was sorry. Idk how I felt back. It was just a blind “i know I’m wrong, I’m sorry”. I don’t think I’ve ever done that just because there’s always some sort of back story to it. People know what they’re doing. I also don’t believe in blind I’m sorrys because there always needs to be a underlying root that needs to be addressed. And a blind sorry is almost inbalancing, like one person is wrong.
Anyways, she answered and my brain is like okay wrap this up. My body is still like no.. I need space. So tbh even if it logically doesn’t make sense, I’m going to listen to what my body needs. I’m going to trust it, and that to me is not abandoning myself.
After my class, I decided to go on a walk to get my steps in on the Chicago highline. It was just above my class. It was cold and a little towards the end it started raining. Rain in the spring hits different. It’s like you can smell the fresh dirt.
Once my walk was done, I called my mom to see what she wanted to eat and of course she had an attitude. Every time she’s home, she just develops this toxic attitude. She literally needs to be busy to exhaust herself. I was still hungry so I got bibombop. It was my first time, and tbh it was okay. The chicken was too dry. I like the concept but I don’t think the quality of the food was that great.
Also a fried a egg to put on top when I came home for some more protein. While eating, I decided to start a new show it’s about long term exes trying to get back together. Pretty interesting but I couldn’t help but cry. It just all felt really emotional.
At around 8pm, I finally started working on my vlog for the day. I still needed to film some clips, so cleaned my room and filmed that.
I think I dragged it out to see how long it really takes me to get it done or if I find faster ways with a time crunch. At like 11pm, I did start freaking out. Almost like I had a deadline, so I did start going into fight or flight mode. It was a lot, and I couldn’t even upload it at the highest quality I wanted.
While doing all this, I literally started having chills too. Convinced myself I was going to get sick.
After I finally posted, literally I was still shaking, so I decided to watch the show, and idk if I made things worse because I again started crying. Just a lot of emotions overall.
Overall, I am still proud of getting my post up even if it was at 12am.
7/10 - ended up being a busy and stressful day
intuition - I still need space from my friend
energy:
60% - freaking out/crying
20% - trying to relax my body
20% - trying to slow down and enjoy
