4/28 - Releasing my fear with money

So I feel like I had the craziest night and just a day filled with heightened emotions. Yesterday, before going on my walk, I put my credit card in my pocket, and by the time I went to Jewel I noticed it wasn’t in my pocket anymore. In my head I was like maybe it fell, maybe it’s in my car. Nevertheless, let me still freeze my card. But the time I checked at 1am, someone had made $500 worth of purchases at different places. Of course I immediately canceled the card, dispute the charges, and called customer service.

In the beginning, I honestly couldn’t believe it, and wait straight to problem-solving mode. I also told myself that whatever happens, happens for a good reason. Immediately went to chat gpt too, and also told myself that maybe that person really needed the money for food. I’'m supposed to donate anyways, so I’ll just act like I donated the food. Plus, deep down, I also know that credit card companies usually don’t make you pay unauthorized charges. But then there was a possible jump scare of them taking money out from my bank account (even though it’s impossible), and my body started freaking out. The fear of potentially losing all my hard earned money.

And then I saw a black ant on my BED! like wtf. I haven’t seen one in my room for a while now, but on my bed? Internally though, I also know when you’re about to quantum jump everything freaks out. So I was shook at what was happening but I knew there was a positive reason behind it all.

Although, my body reacting to the money situation was something.

I woke up and dropped mom off, and went straight to the glenview police station to file a police report. Just in case, I didn’t want to rule out anything. I was sooo drained though, like drained. That’s when I realized money has power over me. The change in money. I need to figure out how to destroy my limiting variations with money.

Mid-day I went on my walk and was listening to the podcast “The Mountain is You” which also said the thing you fear the most is your biggest insecurity. Money means security to me. It’s a loss of security.

I was also super attracted to

The rest of the day I spent trying to get some work done. Have a laser appointment tomorrow, so jumped in the shower at 10pm. While showering, I was like maybe the only way to get rid of the fear of losing money is by just imaging it gone, just let the feeling pass through, so I can achieve complete detachment from it.

Decided to take an edible and just cry it all out. But while I was chilling, I also remembered the best way to manifest something is to have the feelings go through you. What if by feeling me lose all my money, that actually happens. So I quickly stopped myself and went back to chat gpt to ask it how I can get rid of my fear with money.

It said I need to emotional regulate myself when money moves. Money needs to feel safe with me. So I tried imagining me showing money, and some dropping but then just picking up more money from a river.

I still feel resistance and still feel there being fear. But need to work through it. Also the fear of something happening to my mom. Just too many fears that I need to get rid of.

4/10 - Very draining day

Intuition - My money will only multiply. I need to remove the money block.

Energy:
70% - Figuring out how to remove my fears
10% - working & dealing with influencers
20% - Chilling