4/27 - A new beginning & I’m in love with myself

Today, I woke up with this new energy where I just knew it was a whole new beginning. I also felt very grounded in myself to be myself fully. I was going to meet my friend that I met a couple of weeks ago. Last time felt a little weird because we saw each other after 8 months, and for some reason, I was just overstimulated. I think deep down, I also didn’t know what version of me needed to show up. But today was different, I just knew I was going to be myself and that brought me comfort.

So anyways, got ready to go. My outfit was very different than usual. I feel like my style is changing. While driving there I was beaming with so much happiness and love, my heart was just so full. The music was musicing. I loved it.

I picked her up and we went to a pop-up at a pizza spot. Tbh it was different than I expected. I wanted to check it out to see what people would do without alcohol. Like do people actually vibe with just coffee. For one - I forgot how the club scene is literally just people standing around. Like where’s the dancing? I miss the dancing you whole heart aspect. I think that’s what my favorite part going out in SF or with tbh white girls. They know how to dance their heart out. But also I did miss that part of me. I miss dancing.

We stayed there for a bit and then we went to brunch in wicker park. It was a vegan restaurant, so perfect. There, I basically told her I cut my friends off because they no longer aligned with my energy. It more emotional than the way I’m saying it right now, but I just had this apologetic energy about me. Some part of me feels like she needed to hear it because she’s been giving too much in friendships.

Came home, and ended up texting my best friend. She had texted me earlier today saying she doesn’t think she can keep giving to the friend group. She feels like she’s not being appreciated. And that’s when I told her everything.

I finally feel free. She’s the only one that kept the friend group together, and she was the only one that would hurt the most. So part of myself felt guilty at first, but I know deep down she needs me to do it, so she has the courage to it too. And she understood.

After that, I took a nap, and then took Mom and her friends to the mandir. I was supposed to go with them but got my period.

Instead, I dropped them off and found a cute park to go to in glenview to get some b-roll footage. It was beautiful and just wholesome. Might honestly be a special new hidden gem spot for me. I saw a couple having the cutest time there too. And I took a picture of another couple. I love love.

After watching the sunset, and getting about 8k steps in, I went back to my car because it was getting cold, and that’s when I was just sitting there. I felt the feeling I would feel on a date with someone I loved. I felt that by myself, with myself. I don’t think I can ever forget that moment because that’s how I know I’ve absolutely peaked at loving myself to the point where I even feel butterflies with moments with myself.

Before going to pick up my mom and her friends, I went to jewel and grabbed some yogurt. And then came home and got my other 2k steps in because always discipline.

10/10 - I was so grounded and I felt butterflies with myself.

Intuition - I will make it happen. Today is Day 1 and my dreams are just unfolding.

Energy:

50% - Grounded + being myself

20% - Enjoying my own company
20% - Investing in new friendships
10% - Investing in old friendships