2/14/26 - My perfect vday
Feel like I had a very rom-com like vday today.
Last night, I started randomly feeling confused about religion. I used to have structure, where I would go to the temple all the time, wouldn’t do things on Saturday and wouldn’t eat meat on some days. As I’m testing my boundaries with religion, I’m testing structure too, and I feel further away from religion as the structure it is, but I don’t feel far from god. I still feel in alignment.
So then I started wondering, how do I pray? what is god to me? Because I still believe in god, but to what capacity now? Ultimately decided god to me is:
God to me feels like:
- keeping energy exchange as clean as possible
- staying humble and grounded
- not thinking I’m better than anyone or above god
- choosing places of presence, connection, realness
- trusting and loving myself, not abandoning myself
- living in coherence
- warmth
Maybe it is living in alignment. Living with my chakras functioning properly. Going to temples still feels right. Not from fear, but from a place that has presence and feels pure, has community. Maybe the extra things is just learning about culture.
God to me is staying true to life without abandoning myself.
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Woke up feeling high on anxious energy. Now that I’m doing event planning for work, I just feel like I have a lot of anxiety around waiting for an answer from some people. And feeling the need to give an answer to some people that keep following up to close the loop. I keep checking my phone and just don’t feel at peace.
Today is vday so decided I wanted to have a good day. I would say it was my first official single one in a while. I was single last year too but was busy at a funeral and my best friend’s sisters’ mehndi. I did end up also texting my ex friend cause it was her grandpa’s funeral a year ago.
Overall though, I wanted to have a good day. And I wanted to feel clean, so I shaved and washed my hair. Then I ate some random stuff like my bagels and yogurt while watching tv. My mom came home by then, so we watched TV for a bit together.
Then I went on a walk, and again on the swings. Every other mom my age was with her kids, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they lost their inner child. I was so happy. I truly feel like I was creating happiness on my own.
Came home and then went to a yin yoga class. Lmao I think going to the gym or a workout class is prime to seeing who is single. Today’s topic was the throat chakra. Again right on theme because I’ve been having anxiety over communication. Idk how to communicate with high capacity but I’m going to make it tomorrow problem.
Then I decided to go to trader joes also to see what was going on and to just observe. Got a couple of things too. The crowd was mixed - a lot of girls were buying flowers, there were couples too. I saw the prettiest indian girl. Literally, she was sooo pretty. For a sec, I was like why the hell don’t I look like that. Her hair and everything was just perfect. I really need to start elevating my hair. Was craving a salad, so got some lettuce and things to make chocolate covered strawberries.
Drove to the dispensary and got 2 new types of edibles that my usual ones. I was curious on what each one would do.
Overall though, even when I was driving home, it was fascinating to just people watch different couples. The ones in the restaurants. The guy walking with flowers. The couples that came to the dispensary. It was also fascinating. Since the weather was nice, it also did feel a bit more rom-com-like. Everyone was out. Social media was capitalizing on vday a little more today. More than usual I would say.
Throughout the whole day - not once did I feel sad. And not because I think this is my last vday single but because I’m okay either way. I had a great day. I did everything I wanted to do, and celebrated it my way.
Came home and mom went to the mandir, but I made my salad, and then by the time she came home, I made some chocolate covered strawberries too. Chilled with her for a bit. Ate dinner, and then went to my room, and watched a rom com on fate.
Also smh the first photographer still hasn’t replied, so I’m happy I started making moves on another one.
Curiosity - trader joes on vday, new edibles, going to a yoga class on vday
Joy - swings and just being happy from within
Intuition - My warmth feels real, my love feels real. My heart chakra is really opening up.
8/10 - Started off a bit anxious but felt at peace by the end of the night
Energy:
25% - anxiety over communicating
50% - having my perfect vday
25% - people watching
