1/30/26 - (Incomplete) Work breakthrough
Confession about project landing
Realization
Breakthrough structures
made breakfast
2 hour long call
double checked assets for next week
taking everything in & do feel like I’m expanding & feel blessed
started giving mom a lecture #1 after she no to boy & her best friend stopped talking to her
made banana bread
made tacos for dinner
mom confessed & lecture #2 about guys
called my dad, appreciate somehow my dad still feels like my biggest supporter. That’s how I remember him when I was younger too, so it makes me feel connected that he’s still the same way. I feel blessed to know that no matter what external challenges I’ve faced, they’ve both made me feel loved. Like I can go to them. I can’t believe I spent 16 years of my life dealing with abandonment issues until I decided to deal with his this past year. Even though my dad isn’t physically with me. I spiritually do feel like I got both my parents back.
Watched past lives at night
Last night, Chat said things get easier for me when I stop needing them to work. In the moment, I was like I don’t need anything to work, but work up being honest with myself.
I think I did need this project to land. To prove to myself and the new members of my team that I’ve still got magic.
I haven’t done an iconic project for over a year because I didn’t want to give myself more to a job than I was getting. So I decided I was going to do the bare minimum and hire people. I was done overextending myself and pouring my heart.
When I hired people, I was in the phase of letting go of micro managing and letting others step up.
I also let myself not do projects I said I was going to do because they just didn’t feel right. And I would be forcing myself. I was also letting myself choose my own alignment and releasing fear of feeling like my boss was going to fire me if I didn’t execute every idea and work fast.
I was at a point where I’ve rested for far too long. 3.5 months. Letting go of internal blocks. My old employees respect me because they know my magic and know how on top of everything I was.
The new employees don’t even hear from me. I stopped leading meetings, joining meetings, I don’t even have 1-on-1s with them because I know they have it handled. I see them all functioning without me, so me trying to get close to them and give them advice they don’t need feels wrong and performative.
I live a life of privilege at work because I’ve already proved myself. But I see the new people questioning it. Like why is she on a throne? Which can be a good lesson to learn for me - learning to work with people who haven’t witnessed me, without proving myself to them, and those that aren’t mature enough to understand embodiment/regulated nervous systems.
I know even if they see my magic that’s not how I’m going to gain respect. Respect comes from working with them and coming in with upper level clarity.
I don’t need to prove myself or to them. What I think im going to get from this project, isn’t what I’m actually going to get.
But even beyond all that even if no one where they to witness or watch me, I would still be proud of this campaign. Simply because it started from a seed in my brain.
Monitoring results and impact are just a cherry on top. Even if it flops, I’d still be happy I put it out in the world.
Chat says - I needed to re-feel my creative authority in motion. I missed touching my magic and creativity.
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Somehow, I then had the most breakthrough realization based on the “seed” concept yesterday. I started thinking about anchors and how this thing called Indowarehouse isn’t doing anything special. Indian house has been around for ages, and everything else changes. The venues, the line-up, etc. The main anchor to their events is the dhol player on stage with the laser lights shooting out, everyone waits for that moment.
So to scale events - I need to have type of events (coffee shop pop-up, club, etc), have a feeling moment where I can use the brand as an anchor (ex: at a concert how people get hot, and giving out the branded fans) that’s how people remember the brand, when it makes a difference to their experience. And then figure out the logistics for those anchors (custom dhol player, then we need to call them up), and then mass bitch the anchors as the non-negotiables with brands. Big and small, so we’re not just waiting on one brand to answer. Like I did with drybar. And we’re not spending months on logistics like I did with breaking borders. It’s non-negotiable, take it or leave it.
The flow could work for anything. Collabs, events, etc. It’s basically the concept of containers, nervous system, anchors, logistics, mass reachouts.
Felt like this is the breakthrough I was waiting for to really expand at work.
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Made my breakfast, and then had a 2 hour long call with my co-worker person, just explaining all this to her.
She said she was having issues working fast with success stories and somehow I scaled that too in the moment. I told her to create a template and figure out the intention by email #2, and then assign an expected output to each success story. Created a scalable system on the top of my head.
Double checked the assets for my campaign next week, and then just spent time taking all of this in. Just felt so grateful.
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