7/10/15 - Friends bday
Today was also my friends bday and for the first time in like 15 years, I barely gave her attention.
Today’s reflection gots to be quick cause I still need to finish packing and I hope I have one of those episodes where I know I have no time to waste so I’m just super quick.
Anyways, woke up and was fasting today, so got straight to working. The malta event guy ending up saying we’re the title sponsor, so thank god I didn’t stay up late to the contract. Sometimes, the tarus in me and the side that refuses to hustle really does save me.
I also ended up finding a venue that I like for my NYC event, and changed the things for my bottle and sweaters. Also found some yoga mats for cheap, so overall I feel like things are moving, just wish they would be closed.
While I was showering, I was debating taking a whole week off from work, so I can just focus because all this event planning is truely draining me.
Anyways, had my coffee today because I’m fasting and didn’t feel anxious so that was good. After that I went to the bank to get my tax check going and fix the mess from yesterday, and then went to fedex but they said they couldn’t mail it, so had to go to the post office and that was such a huge line.
After coming home, went straight on my walk to get my steps in. My watch is bugging a little but it’s okay,
Came home and went to the mandir to do a pooja with it my mom. Technically it’s her indian bday today, but I still celebrate her date bday. The pooja was 2.5 hours long and not going to lie at one point, I started to zone out.
I say something with “local edition” on my watch and without reading the whole thing, I literally crashed the hell out while I was in the pooja. I thought my friend texted me saying her bf and N were going to local edition, and literally the thought of them being together and me seeing him somewhere truely made me go crazy and I hated it, because I still feel some type of way about it.
If someone told me I was going to see V or J, I probably wouldn’t give 2 shits, but why N. Like bruh at this point I don’t even want him. But the fact that my nervous system still goes goes means I’m supressing what I’m feeling and maybe I just need to let the feeling pass through or maybe I need to calmly talk to my body. Regardless, I think he is a blocker for me.
We were going to leave after the pooja but it started pouring, so after a while, we ran to the sweet shop. I’m bringing my coworker that I’m seeing tomorrow fafra and galebi. We always joked about it, so actually bringing it this time.
Came home and mom and I were starving, so quickly ate. Overall, I actually didn’t take a nap or feel like crashing which truely goes to show that my crashes are caused by the food I’m eating. Maybe I need to basically snack all day and eat to survive to not crash.
Now, I’m packing and found some things I can take for the twins and then a scooby doo toy that I had to take for the coworkers daughter.
I was supposed to go to sleep by now and I hate how I always drag in packing. Need to leave by 4am tomorrow.
Also my stomach hurts. :/
Intution - I need to just let my feelings about N pass. I think the thing I’m doing wrong is I always try shutting my body down.
8/10 - Chill day but now I’m sleepy
Energy:
80% - work/get things done/stay productive
20% - pray
