8/22 - Clarity.
Today feels like a 10/10 day after such a long time. I finally had the motivation to wake up early and go to the gym, and just do random things that make me happy like sing songs, get coffee, do a little happy dance, and just smile for no reason. It feels so good. I woke up with a sense of hope and energy that the universe truly is working in my favor.
After realizing there is no way in hell me and J were even compatible or even the right people for each other, it just brought clarity on so many levels. First of all, lolol mans would have nothing but thirst taps on his IG for you page. That’s like a straight up red flag and I’ve also called it out. Second of all, literally he wasn’t even ready to be a boyfriend/husband, and I know this because once upon a time in life I wasn’t ready to be someone’s wife. Also, I realized I never clearly saw a future of being married to him. Whenever my friends would ask me if he was the one, I would answer saying “idk, we’ll see” and I’ve wanted to break up with him so many times because I just knew it wasn’t the one. I just didn’t have the heart to because I was attached. J also never respected my boundaries.
You only have anxiety letting go of people who you know aren’t meant for you. Because you know those are your last moments with them, so you trying holding on as tight as possible.
And then I’m like what would be the best case scenario in all of this:
And the answer was N.
My love with him was very slow burn, but it was getting stronger by the day. In fact, the most we fell in love was after we had already broken up. Haha long story there. But honestly, we were SOOO compatible. Like life with him made sense, and I always talked about him with confidence. I was excited talking about him, that’s why us breaking up was a shock to me.
The reason why we broke up was because his dad didn’t accept the fact that I wasn’t Sindhi and didn’t come from a wealthy family. He was also going through a lot at work and was changing jobs. In true Capricorn fashion, when work isn’t stable, nothing is and they go through a midlife crisis. For some reason though, I always understood N. He made sense to me.
N always respected my boundaries too, and I never felt like I needed to hold on to him because internally I always felt like our paths would cross again. There was something there. Something unshakeable.
N also thought that girls would find their husband after they dated him, and hahaha obviously that’s not true given the fact that I’m not marrying J.
My timelines also didn’t match N’s. I wanted to get married sooner than he did. N was perfect for me besides not fighting his dad for me (but how can you fight your family when you aren’t 100%) and his timelines. But overall, I knew he was in love with me.
The perfect case scenario would be that N needed a year to realize that I genuinely am the one and gained the courage to fight his dad, figure out his life, and get ready to be a husband to match my timeline.
J came into my life to show me that fast love isn’t what I want. I want slow love, like I had with N. And I came into J’s life to show him how to love. And I dated someone else in between to one clarify this superstition for N and give him time to know what he wants.
That would be the perfect case scenario and why everything would make sense. And just the thought of that got me super excited. Whether it’s true or not, it allows me to live in the moment and just focus on myself trusting that when the time is right I’ll be reunited with N.
Call me delulu all you want, but lmfao it’s helping me heal and be happy.
I even had a dream that I somehow needed to sleep over at N’s apartment and then he leaned over for a soft kiss when I was on the couch with him. It was cute. Had me waking up feeling giddy.
Sure, I might be targeting someone new to fixate on but lol whatever.
For people you know that are meant for you, you know your paths will cross one way or another. You believe it in your soul. You believe in the universe more than the need to hold on or control.
