5/23 - Being comfortable with making people uncomfortable

Last night I wanted to revisit what I was feeling leaving my friend’s dance practice yesterday. Something was off, but I couldn’t tell what immediately. I’m emotionally intelligent enough to know when people feel uncomfortable by me and in the past, I’ve just shut down, become quiet, and dim my light. Over time, that’s also where the social anxiety started to develop from because I didn’t know what side of me needed to be shown in the convo, and trying to figure that out in a split sec of the conversation started always drained me and overwhelmed me.

Ever since I decided I’m just going to be myself, I have less social anxiety because I know exactly how I’m going to show up.

But I’ve noticed when I show up fully as myself it makes some people uncomfortable, like i’m “too much” for them.

And part of me last night doubted myself a bit, “should I have been a little bit more mellow” but then I did some birth chart chat gpting and it said that people feel my light and and often times are blinded by my energy, so I make them uncomfortable because somehow I show them a part of themselves that that they’re trying to hide. Until now, I kept thinking them being uncomfortable meant they dislike me, but that’s not the case, if anything they are magntized by me.

And honestly I’m going to take this as the truth because it makes sense to me. When people don’t match my frequency they’ll feel uncomfortable.

Making people feel uncomfortable isn’t a bad thing.

If anything my authenticity is the light they need.

I feel like I’m done healing. All my lessons lately have been preparing me for fame in unimaginable ways. I thought I was ready, but there’s so much more that I didn’t expect to come from fame. Similar to what I thought when I was ready to put a end to all my trauma. I had so much healing to do. 8 months worth of daily healing.

Now, I’m training for visibility.

Anyways woke up, and ended up texting my best friend for an hour because she was crashing out over her other friend’s divorce. Basically had a whole therapy session with her and she said “I inspire people to be the best version of themselves” and that made my heart hurt with love.

Later got coffee from dunkin, and milk. Came home and was writing for a bit, but also needed figure out what me and a friend were going to do tomorrow. We’re hanging out and usually she figures things out, so was like maybe I’ll put in work too, plus there’s so much I want to do. Make an ultimate fun activity list now that I can use with any friend.

We decided to go get our nails done. And then we had some family come, so we went to devon to go eat. I went up and put my card down to avoid the check drama. Funny thing is they did too but I put my card second, so I just hid their card in my pocket. I came home and worked a bit and now I”m exhausted.

Intuition - Need to continue to being myself no matter what

7/10 - Just felt like I had so much to do, I’m so exhausted

Energy:
80% - trying to catch up on the million things I needed to get done
20% - family time