1/9 - Perspective & gratitude
Last night, I ended up putting myself in check and that’s when perspective came to me. I’m sad because I feel scared but also hopeless in the sense that why was I born in a bad situation. But then I was like are people losing their homes in the fires in LA. These people will be homeless for months. And the city is ruined. Their favorite place and they couldn’t say bye to it. And that’s when I remembered my own learnings. No one is at a disadvantage. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. The rules are literally the same, no matter how you were born. Everyone has their good days and bad days, and that’s when I started feeling at peace.
I also ended up calling my friend and she started talking about all the stuff she was going through. Literally both of us were just sobbing. Hearing her pain, literally again also brought perspective that at least I’m in peace right now. She’s not. Why am I physically ruining my peace for possible future problems. I’ve been feeling like I need to cry for the past couple of days, so this crying sesh really just helped us release.
The morning started with me needing to go to the dentist to get a root canal and then mom and I got Chipotle for lunch. I haven’t had Chipotle in soooo long. Their queso is my favorite. Always hits. The rest of they day was spent just working, so nothing special.
While I was doing my 10k steps (which I’ve been super consistent on), I called mahera again and that’s when we debriefed a bit more. She was telling me she was having a rough time believing in god, and I was like God and the universe are not the same.
The universe does whatever it needs to do to bring you to alignment. The universe is literally your surrounding/external force.
God is your intuition. The good voice inside of your head. God is your strength. God is within you.
So don’t be mad at god, because losing that voice inside of your head is just having a life of darkness and feeling lost. Because you lost yourself.
And tbh this made so much sense to me too. Trying to give her perspective always helps me solidifies things I’m feeling internally.
Every time I would ask the universe for signs to break up with J, the universe wouldn’t deliver. I would say he needs to text me by tonight or I’m breaking up with him, and he would text me. Or literally signs. Like a sign that I need to keep in my life right now. The universe would always deliver. Until one day, it didn’t. All the signs wouldn’t deliver.
But every time I went to the temple, my need to break up with him would heighten. And I need from the beginning that I needed to. God was always like, you can do this. I’m here with you.
And I always questioned why god would send me signs if I needed to break up? It wasn’t God. It was the universe. The universe kept him in my life until he needed to stay in my life even though signs. And then was like okay now his time in your life is over.
That was my biggest lesson - God and the universe aren’t the same. And that’s how I made peace with the situation. And it literally makes sense to me too. So moral - always be careful on who you’re talking to are you asking god for a sign or the universe.
We were also talking and I told her that a huge trigger came up and I had a totally different response. And while talking to her that’s when I was internalizing that holy shit. This is such a big deal. My past triggers, move me, but don’t lead me to call into my old habits anymore. My mentally has completely shifted. And that’s when I realized, I’m healed healed. Sure they’re obvious more things and no one is completely healed. But I’ve moved past my biggest fears.
10/10 - Today ended up just being a solid day of gratitude and just being present to enjoy the peace
intuition - So many changes will come into my life. Because I truly have leveled up in so many ways. All my blessings are coming to me.
