1/7 - Feeling in tune with my body
Last night, I was having trouble sleeping and just started having anxiety again over unresolved problems.
And then Idk what it is but I’ve just been super angry the whole day. Like almost irreratated at anything. And Idk if I’m just about to get my period because it’s that the case that yes, I’m welcoming this irrirated behavior. I am starting to get weird pimples, feeling extremely bloated, just really hungry all the time, feeling like I just need to stretch, irritated, and tired - all signs of being in my luteral stage which means I am about to get my period. For years, I’ve been so out of tune with my body that even just being to figure out signs seems like a blessing. I haven’t had this feeling in a while, so almost forgot how it feels like. But I know I prayed for this too. Just knowing what my body needs.
Wake up, dropped mom off, and then went to yoga. As mentioned earlier, felt like my body just desperately needed to let go of tension and just stretch. Tbh I went right before my meeting, so I was too paranoid but just knew I needed to go stretch today, so I still did it and managed to get some breaths out. Just wasn’t the most relaxing yoga sesh ever.
Coffee would have def made things worse, so glad I’m on a cutback.
During yoga, I felt like my anger against J was starting to dissolve. Like I just wasn’t angry anymore. I’ve been having more and more sympathy as I’m going through this quitting and working on my dreams part of my life. And I think I’ve been trying to find that answer to why he needed to come into my life. During yoga, I think I finally found the answer. His purpose in my life was to change my relationship with money, and almost prepare me for abundance. He took money as seriously as monopoly and that’s why money is continuously attracted to him. He’s what got me out of a scarcity mindset and led me to believe that life isn’t real. Money will come, don’t focus on saving, focusing on making. And I saw first hand of someone that chose their dreams did have abundance coming to them. Until then, I was almost scared because I always thought money came at a payoff.
I don’t think it does anymore. I have a whole new relationship with money now. And of course I’m still working on it, but if I think back on it, his certain words still ring in my head about it.
And the more connected I am to my dreams, the easier I find it to forgive him. And I think I needed this as my final steps of healing. To move on from all the negative energy and convert it into nothing but love and positive energy.
We then went to Target and a market to get fruits, and some items that I needed from Sephora.
Overall, I think the hormones are just really getting to me right now, and just feel like crying to release some tears. Also feel a bit overwhelmed that will I ever be able to make my dreams come true, even though I know that’s literally what I need to do. I can’t see myself doing anything else. It’s a must.
It’s also one of those days where everything just feels like it sucks. And for a bit I was being hard on myself on why I’m starting my creative journey now? But then I realized, that I became really successful in the corporate world at a very young age to the point everyone is shocked at my age. If I didn’t achieve my corporate goals, I would probably still have that thought in the back of my mind and just wouldn’t have the grit to make it through hard days as a content creator. I’d keep thinking about going back. But now, there is literally in the corporate world that I feel like I have left to do. I’ve done it all. Creating my own brand is what I want to do with my whole heart.
20 year old Shalini did not think that. She wanted to live the American dream and make it to director level in the corporate world. 24 year old Shalini didn’t have the confidence.
26 year old Shalini has confidence and knows her next set of dreams. So I need to truly internalize the universe’s timing is always perfect.
6/10 - Too much irration and just exhausted from the hormones
Intuition - I just need to keep showing up every day, and I’ll figure it out. I’m actually pretty good at even the place I’m starting. I can’t just get scared and give up on my dreams because nothing is going to happen with that.
