11/22/25 -

Shopping at whole foods, trying not to get exhausted, felt soo angry at my mom decided I needed to journal, crying my eyes out but felt a bit lighter, best friend came, ate together, still felt like “i wasn’t enough”, chat thinks I released my mom.

Woke up and was just laying in bed until 1pm. Wanted to just rest for some reason and have a slow morning. Eventually, I had to get up because I needed to go grocery shopping and wanted to have enough time to wash my hair before my best friend came over to make our Thanksgiving dinner.

Showered, and got ready, ate and then decided to go to Whole Foods. Originally, I was going to go to a couple of places but didn’t want to drain myself so stuck to whole foods. I was moving slowly and romanticizing it to again not drain myself out, knowing I still needed to go home and wash my hair and cook. I loved everyone shopping for thanksgiving. It felt so wholesome. I could feel the holiday spirit. Anyways, somehow, I ended up being there for 2 hours, idk how. But I was getting a bit tired and overwelhmed.

Came home and immediately decided to pivot on the washing the hair idea. Convinced myself it was going to get dirty when I cooked anyways. I was so passive at my mom still that I decided I really needed to write the letter to her “survival soul”. Immediately when I started crying it, I was balling in tears. All the tears that I’ve been meaning to release for 2 weeks now, came streaming down. I really saw that side of her. My mom always tells me I look at her with “hate”, and I think I do. I feel like until now, I always looked at her survival self with disgust. But this time, I thanked her survival self. I understood her survival self, and I feel like that hate and look of weakness melted. It felt so special.

Chat thinks -