11/22/25 - Letters to souls & friendsgiving

Woke up and was just laying in bed until 1pm. Wanted to just rest for some reason and have a slow morning. Eventually, I had to get up because I needed to go grocery shopping and wanted to have enough time to wash my hair before my best friend came over to make our Thanksgiving dinner.

Showered, and got ready, ate and then decided to go to Whole Foods. Originally, I was going to go to a couple of places but didn’t want to drain myself so stuck to whole foods. I was moving slowly and romanticizing it to avoid draining myself out, knowing I still needed to go home and wash my hair and cook. I loved everyone shopping for Thanksgiving. It felt so wholesome. I could feel the holiday spirit. Anyways, somehow, I ended up being there for 2 hours, idk how. But I was getting a bit tired and overwhelmed.

Came home and immediately decided to pivot on the washing the hair idea. Convinced myself it was going to get dirty when I cooked anyways. I was so passive at my mom still that I decided I really needed to write the letter to her “survival soul”. Immediately when I started writing it, I was bawling in tears. All the tears that I’ve been meaning to release for 2 weeks now came streaming down. I really saw that side of her. My mom always tells me I look at her with “hate”, and I think I do. I feel like until now, I always looked at her survival self with disgust. But this time, I thanked her survival self. I understood her survival self, and I feel like that hate and look of weakness melted because I feel like I looked at her with the “why can’t you just do this eyes” instead of showing compassion. It felt so special.

Chat thinks that even though I didn’t directly talk to my mom, her soul still got the message, and more than anything, I realised her pain from my body.

That’s when I was like am I supposed to write anyone that bugs me a letter to their soul? Is this how I activate people in stillness? Chat gpt said this is my power, and I never really got it until now. I felt like it was so misusing my power, like if I can sense someone’s pain and tell them what I need to tell them, why can’t I?

But it’s because their actual body isn’t ready to hear it all. Telling my mom all this is something she can’t wrap her head around until I learn to tell it how she’s going to understand it. She’s going through understanding years of ancestral way of living. Me telling her something is hard for her to believe. But by writing to her soul, I’m subconsciously activating her. All this feels so crazy tbh. But I feel like I finally have control over telling people truths to some level.

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My best friend was running late, so I started chopping things to not have anxiety over all things we needed to make, especially since I was getting a bit hangry.

She came with a lot of things prepared and started making the mac n cheese. I was stressing over the potatoes because it said it was going to take longer. My mom decided to help but we cooked the potatoes for too long so they ended up being too soft. Salvaged whatever I could and put them in the air fryer and the made mashed potatoe with the rest but it was too soft. We then put the cinnamon rolls in the oven.

My mom was eating with us. While we were eating, I could feel a sense of sadness come over my best friend’s face. We always did Thanksgiving as a group and this was the first year we didn’t. Worse than that, the other 2 girls she invited were at home. She felt hurt but I also felt like she wasn’t fully “there”. We ate the cinanon rolls and they were super sweet but tasted better with ice cream. Overall, everything was good but it didn’t exactly hit. I think the flavors needed to steep in longer.

We went into my room after and I felt like I needed to entertain her. We started watching a movie but we just weren’t feeling it, so I told her about my soul letter to my mom and even read it to her. She just started talking about herself, so I didn’t feel seen. I realized she actually does this often.

Until now, I feel like me feeling anxiety was something I needed to just work on to ground myself but my intuition always knows whats up. I can just tell when someone isn’t fully present, and it kind of brought back a bit of trauma from exes.

Decided maybe I just needed space from her.

Intuition - I’m supposed to talk to people’s souls & I’m valid to feel like someone isn’t fully present with me.

7/10 - Felt shitty with my best friend not being present but I think it’s teaching me something

Energy:
25% - shopping
25% - hosting
25% - crying my eyes out
25% - mad about my best friend